Their Trick, Her Treat
by that-crazy-jesus-girl-sarah
Summary: It's Halloween, and Will, Grace and Jack get more than they bargained for when a new prescription spins Karen into the mindset of a psycho killer. COMPLETE.
1. The Calm Before the Storm

**DISCLAIMER: **We all know the drill, I don't own Will and Grace or any of the characters used here, yada, yada...they're all property of the lucky NBC productions...

So to those of you reading, hey! Thanks for stopping by (whether you love it or hate it, thanks anyway). This is my first Will&Grace fic, I can't tell if it's halfway brilliant or just plain retarded. You tell me. ;-)

"Trick or treat? Why, you nasty little tease, I'll show you a trick and that will be _my _treat if you don't get off of this doorstep in the next three seconds!" Karen growled at the small child in a devil suit, who took off on the verge of tears. "And if I see those horns anywhere on this street again, I'm calling the police!"

Will and Grace sighed wearily from the impeccably white love seat and shook their heads.

"Karen," Grace said tiredly, getting to her feet and snatching a semi melted chocolate bar from her hand. "Wait, you've been holding on to this one for awhile, you'd better let me take it." She gestured for Will to toss her a new one from the bowl.

"Grace, you've said that about every other chocolate bar I've handed you to date," Will said, nevertheless obliging.

"Hey, if you want to be little Suzy Smith dressed up like a princess with a sack full of melted candy bars, you be my guest," Grace shot back. "It's our duty, Will, to ensure that--oh hell." Grace shoved the "faulty" Snickers bar in her mouth. "You _were _little Suzy Smith dressed up like a princess with a sack full of melted candy bars."

"I told you never to bring that up again," Will told her adamantly.

Grace turned her attention back to Karen. "Let's go over this again," she said slowly. "It's Halloween night. Now when the doorbell rings, you…?"

Karen frowned, her expression utterly perplexed. "Do I even have one of those?"

"One that you would never think to answer, Count Drunkula," Rosario answered for her as she appeared in the room.

_"Agggghhhhhhhh! GET IT OFF!" _Karen screamed, shielding her eyes from the sight of her.

"She's not in costume, Karen," Grace pointed out.

Karen shot out an accusing finger in Rosario's direction. "You are scrubbing every hard surface in this house with a toothbrush for the next month for raiding Mason's cake stash to bribe the redhead to lie for you! Although--" She calmed down a notch, giving Grace's knee length orange and black swirled skirt and matching orange spaghetti strap top a painful once over "--even if you didn't, I can see how you would make that mistake, honey, when you dress as if every day was Halloween."

"Thus if I had the drum set I so wanted when I was ten years old, I would be giving that compliment a ride on the cymbal," Will remarked.

"Drum set? Don't you mean the triangle, you queer as folk?" Grace demanded.

"No, I mean thin ice, Gracie," Will warned her in a mock cheery tone. "Why don't you look around you, sweetie, well hey, what do you know, you're walking on it!"

Grace stared at him. "Why is it suddenly my fault that God--or maybe in your case, Goddess--was in a bad mood the day you came into creation?"

"Ohhhh, is that what it is? I had wondered about all the questions I had in life that started with _why!"_

"This is the wrong holiday for your little lovers' quarrel!" Jack snapped as he skipped into the room. "That kind of mouth should be reserved for Thanksgiving dinner! Or Christmas! A holiday where it reminds us of its true meaning!"

Will shrugged. "Just warming up."

"Well, I'm warmed up." Karen held out her empty glass that formerly held a vodka on the rocks to her maid. "Rosie, you know the drill. Now snap to it before I send you on the death march with Mason!"

"I haven't heard that one before," Grace offered.

"Oh…" Karen waved a hand dismissively. "The boy has it in his head that he can dress up in about five different costumes over the course of the night and quintuple his candy intake, the staff draws straws every year to see who gets stuck with him…Rosie wouldn't hold up year after year, and I don't know who I would close off all venues of relief to when she has the stomach flu in the winter."

Jack tilted his head quizzically. "But you could do that to any of your staff, Kare."

"And you have," Will added.

"Yeah Jackie, but…" Karen sighed nostalgically. "It just isn't the same."

"You'd better watch it, lady, or you will find yourself my venue of relief this winter," Rosario warned her.

Karen chuckled. "Oh Rosie. You kill me."

"I might." Rosario shrugged. "I don't know what I put in your drink this time around."

"Yeah, too busy secretly hoarding candy corn and gumdrops to remember what you did!" Karen shouted after her. "I'd better not hear any complaints when you wake up to your stomach being cut open and emptied in the middle of the night!"

Rosie stuck her head back in the room. "And I'd better not hear any complaints when I take whatever is being used to do so and sticking it through your jugular vein."

Grace dropped the Milky Way bar she had furtively been trying to consume with a groan. "What is that running away in the distance? Oh yeah--I think it's my appetite."

"Well, that's something we never thought we'd see," Will remarked, "kinda like a remake of _Land of the Dead."_

"Ugh." Jack groaned. "I didn't even need to hear the title to know it already _was _dead."

The doorbell cut into their banter, and Grace pulled Karen to her feet. "Now we're going to try this again," she told her, "and remember what I showed you before."

"Can you at least open the door?" Karen grumbled at her. "I don't think I know how."

Grace rolled her eyes and did as Karen asked, where they were greeted by the sight of a small girl dressed in an angel costume.

"Oh yeah," Karen said derisively, squinting at her, "that's what you want us to believe now, Monica, but underneath that glowing halo and all that glitter, you're waiting for your own version of Hugh Hefner to answer the door, am I wrong? I don't know--" Karen swung a fun size bag of Skittles in front of her. "Does a dirty little mind deserve such a clean little treat? I don't think so!" With that, she started to slam the door, but Grace caught it as the angel ran away and another girl took her place.

"Watch, Karen," she ordered. "One more time. Just watch." She bent down to the girl's height and smiled widely. "Happy Halloween, sweetheart, what a pretty little princess you--"

"I'm supposed to be _Barbie!" _the girl screeched as she pulled back her foot and released it at full speed toward Grace's leg, who seemed to be stuck in her position in pain for about ten seconds before her face took on a menacing expression. "You little--" She started to lunge after her, but Will pulled her back, and they both turned to face Karen.

"That…didn't count," Grace said hurriedly as she shut the door.

"Someone needs to teach their kid Halloween etiquette," Will said.

"Yeah, really." Jack rolled his eyes. "I don't know what _she _was going on about, I never noticed the differences between a princess and Barbie when I was little."

"Yeah, well, you were happy with either one," Will pointed out. "Kids these days are more demanding."

"And kids these days don't need to be fatter than they already are," Grace seethed as she stole the bowl of candy and started helping herself. "I say we call it quits, it's not like any of them has any appreciation anyway."

"Save for you, apparently," Will said as he watched her.

"Well, it's been fun, kids," Karen said, killing off her second drink, "and I'm not saying we can't have a bit more, but I'm going to take a breather before we do." She went for the door.

"Karen, your blood and any other bodily fluid you might possess has long since been substituted for gin and vodka," Will said, "I doubt you even know what a breather is."

"Well, it's not something I'll get while inhaling the same air as you, Wilma," Karen said coolly.

"Again I point out to you, you don't inhale _air, _you--"

"I know, I know, I inhale everything but," Karen snapped at him. "Get some new material. I am." She stalked to the stairs, heading for your room.

"Wait! Kare!" Jack called out desperately. "What are you doing? Is it something inappropriate? If it is, can I come up too?"

"Next time, Jackie," she sang out in response.

_Ugh._

She loved Halloween, and she hated it. There wasn't much she could do to ruin it for the little ones; save for locking Mason in his room and slipping Olivia five bucks an hour to loudly devour M&M's and Hershey bars outside his door. She chuckled at the memory of it, as she rummaged through the drawer containing her own personal candy.

_No…no…nope…no, too soft…uh-uh…side effects I didn't appreciate…_Karen thought to herself, rifling impatiently through the multitude of bottles, and realizing the novelty had worn off for most of them. She dug through her purse, trying to find something new, and when she did, popped a few of them in her mouth, washing them down with a Scotch.

_Mmm. _That was better. She allowed herself to fall back on to her silk sheets. Just for a few minutes. She knew a few more appearances would be necessary to make sure Jack wasn't getting too excited by all the valuable paraphernalia in the living room.


	2. You Can Run

_Hey, love and thanks to my reviewers, you rock!_

"Grace, you need to fix me up here," Will said as he answered the door to a boy dressed as a football player. When he received no response, he turned. "Grace?"

Grace, who was in the process of finishing the last Reese's pumpkin, froze.

"Oh Gracie, don't tell me you…" Will sighed as he confirmed his suspicions that Grace had run them dry. "Okay, uh…just a sec, buddy," he called over to the trick or treater, glancing around for anything that might suffice for the glow in the dark pumpkin bucket he was holding out. "Uh…" He snatched up a Rolex left from Stan and dropped it in the bucket. "There you go, son, you're not going to get one of these every year." He shut the door on the mystified boy and sighed again.

"Will, that was so incredibly wrong of you," Jack told him, tone dripping of disbelief.

"Jack, Stan has so many of them, he won't even notice once he gets back…"

"Did you _see _him, in that baseball uniform?" Jack demanded. "Have you no shame? He is on the wrong path, and you think a single Rolex will make up for that?"

Will clucked his tongue. "Well, first of all, Jackie, what we just witnessed was in truth a football uniform, and second…what do you suggest I give other than a Rolex?"

Jack smiled tantalizingly. "Five minutes with Jack the Lantern. That'd put him on the straight and narrow."

"Jack, in equivalence to Karen not knowing what a breather is, _you _wouldn't know the straight and narrow if it ran up to you and tried to get in your pants," Grace said.

"Grace…how can you say that to me…" Jack stuck out his lower lip. "This is a season for peace. And love. And joy."

"Ahhh, not for another two months yet," Will corrected him. _"This…_is the season for child molesters and tooth decay."

"Eulkkkk…" Grace moaned. "Guys…not feeling so hot…"

"Aww, really, Gracie?" Will cooed. "You poor lass, how did we not see that coming? Why didn't Gracie just dress up as a paper sack so everyone could just drop the candy straight into her mouth?"

"I'm not going to answer that, Will, but just do me one favor." She reached out toward them dramatically from where she lay pitifully on the white sofa, clutching at her stomach. "If somebody decides to do a remake of Jason…or Michael…or Freddy…just please…don't leave me here."

"Oh sweetie, of course we wouldn't do that," Will said sympathetically, going over to take her hand. "We'd hide you in the closet so it would take him longer to find you."

"I'll have you know, that at least one psychotic nut job a year decides it would be a kick to imitate those very personalities," Grace said indignantly, "it's always made the paper the next day, and New York is a big city."

"Yes it is, Grace, so big that what are the chances that of the millions of people in the city, why would any nut job--"

"Besides yourself," Jack cut in.

"Thank you for clarifying that, Jack. Anyway, who would target us out of all--"

As if on cue, the lights went out and Grace let out a petrified scream.

"What did I tell you, Will!" she shrieked. "I--"

Will clapped a firm hand over her mouth. "I liked you better when you were whining about your stomach," he said. "We've probably got a power outage, or a fuse that blew. As it is, Karen takes so much medication, she could blow a fuse all by herself. I'll go ask her where I can find the circuit--oh hell, who am I kidding? I'll find it."

Jack made his way over to Grace. "Grace, I'm not liking this very much," he whispered.

"You're not afraid of the dark, Jack," she said.

"No. I'm afraid of all the things in the dark that are hiding."

"Oh Jack." Grace let out a flippant laugh before choking on it. "Me too."

"Yeah, but…there's nothing here but Karen, right G?"

"Right, and she's scary enough in the light."

"Same with Will." He paused. "No, probably scarier, because your silhouette adds like twenty extra pounds to you."

"Oh my God, really? I've never--"

A creak cut in their words.

_"Aggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"_

The next thing they both felt was considerable pain as they tried to jump into each other's arms at the same time and missed; instead colliding into each other and then falling back, Grace thunking her head on the arm of the sofa, Jack on the edge of a coffee table.

Then in unison,

"Ow."

_Meanwhile..._

Will shook his head in amusement as he walked around, aiming his flashlight in various places in search of a circuit breaker. The beam eventually landed on Rosario, who was heading for the basement portion of the manse.

"Hey, what's going on? Can you tell me where the circuit breaker is, Rosario?" Will asked her.

"That is where I am going, Mr. Truman," Rosario responded. "It is downstairs, in the basement." They went down together and Rosario pointed it out to Will, who thoroughly investigated, then concluded with a bewildered frown.

"Look at the circuit," he said. "It's been cut. I can't--who would do this?"

"You are asking the wrong person for that, I suppose I need to call somebody in to look at it," Rosario responded as she headed back for the stairs.

"Can you even get someone here this late?"

"This is the residence of Miss Karen Walker, I would not be surprised if someone is already two streets away before I even call," Rosario said.

"Does that mean her pharmacist is one street away?"

Rosario shook her head. "No, that is too far for Miss Karen. He knows when to be on the front steps."

"Figures," Will murmured, and turned his attention back on the circuit. "Hey, Rosie, do you think--Rosie?"

He swiveled his head. He didn't think she had gotten to the top of the stairs already. "Rosario?"

He hurried over to the stairs. "Rosario?" No sign of her. He bit his lip and went up the stairs two at a time, intending to find Grace and Jack. "Hey Gracie…Jack the Ripper…" He checked what could be considered a "living room" where they had originally been, but what looked more like a hotel lobby, and found them huddled tightly in each other's arms, faces hidden in each other's shoulders.

"Why, Jackie, what a cut circuit breaker does to you," Will said in amusement.

Jack let out an earsplitting yelp. "He knows my name!" he whimpered, his voice muffled from Grace's shoulder.

"It's _me_, Nancy," Will said, his tone exasperated, "and unlike Freddy, I wouldn't want to _know _your nightmare on elm street, although I'm sure it has something to do with a woman."

"Not exactly, it has something to do with Grace, but that's close enough," Jack said, wincing in pain as Grace slapped the back of his head and shoved him away. She leapt for Will, grabbing him in a fierce hug that nearly knocked him over.

"Oh sweetie, I'm so glad to see you, we've been hearing creaks and thumps, and…and _sounds_, and…"

"Grace, I'm sure it's just the house settling."

Jack whimpered again. "That's what they all say before…before…" He lowered his voice dramatically. _"Before somebody dies."_

"And…and…" Grace was down to a tense whisper. "I doubt any house Karen has lived in could settle. So that doesn't count."

"First of all, nobody is going to die," Will said, "and second, I quite agree with you, Gracie, I never even thought of that."

"Where _is _Karen?" Jack wondered.

"I thought she went upstairs for something earlier," Grace said.

"She did." Will nodded. "Trying to recover from the shock that small children would come up to her door on _any _day, much less Halloween."

"Oh, why wouldn't they on Halloween, Will?" Grace offered. "Karen's like the epitome of the holiday."

"True." He paused. "Well, we should probably find her before Rosario finds her or before she finds Rosario--they do each other enough damage when they can see each other, I don't want to think about what they'd be capable of in the dark. Hey, speaking of Rosario--she was downstairs with me and now I can't find her, have you seen…maybe…?"

Jack gasped dramatically. "She's…she's…_the first to go."_ He squinted in dismay. "Such a shame. If I was straight, I would say she wasn't such a bad bed partner."

"Jack, she didn't _go _anywhere," Will said impatiently. "We just can't _find _her. Well, maybe she's already up with Karen."

"Hold me, Will," Grace begged.

"Oh God, Grace." Will rolled his eyes. "You've said that to every guy you were involved with at some point or another, and now we don't see any of them anymore. Coincidence? Hmm…"

"You're just jealous because I'm holdable and you're not," Grace snapped.

"That makes no sense, and it's not true," Will retorted.

"It is _so _true--"

"Lovers!" Jack clapped his hands together firmly. "Thanksgiving! Remember?"

"Jack, we're not going to make it to Thanksgiving if we--" Grace began fearfully.

Will sighed heavily. "For the last time, Bozo and Ripper, there is _nothing going on--"_

A scraping sound was heard from the direction of the basement.

"HE'S HERE, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Grace screamed, dashing for the front door.

"Gracie, wait--"

"You wait, Queer Man," Grace growled at him. She bolted before anyone could stop her, and as if on cue, a long, shrill scream was heard in the distance.

"Grace?" Will yelled, but before he could move, Grace was back inside.

"The gates! The gates!" she gasped out. "It was open for the trick or treaters, remember? Now it's…" She put her hands over her face.

"What is it?" Will demanded.

"There's a chain…on the gates…nobody can get in…so…nobody can get out," Grace finished dramatically.

"That's ridiculous," Will scoffed, and went out to look for himself. What met him was exactly as Grace had said, and he touched the heavy metal chain, large padlock in the middle, that was keeping them in. "This is not the way security works over here." A touch of alarm had found its way into his voice.

"You've got that right, honey."


	3. But You Can't Hide

"Karen, where have you been?" Will demanded. "A circuit is cut downstairs so the power's out, and…"

"Somebody cut a circuit? Will, you didn't tell us that!" Grace cried out.

"Well, Grace, in your mad rush to save yourself from something that may or may not be happening, I didn't exactly have a chance," Will said coolly.

"I know that, Wilma." Karen's eyes were boring intensely into his. "I'm taking care of it. I'm taking care of everything."

"Taking care of everything?" Grace repeated warily. "Everything like what?"

"Oh, the lights…the help…you." Karen squinted viciously at her and from behind her back, brandished a large, gleaming butcher knife.

"Oh no, please!" Jack shrieked. "Not me! I'm…too pretty! Take Will, he'll feed more people! Or take Grace, she doesn't deserve to live in that outfit anyway! But please…not me…"

"You bring up some very valid points, Jackie," Karen told him approvingly. "Unfortunately for you, you run like a girl and I love that in a gay man, so I think you're out of luck."

Jack turned and high tailed it back to the house, screaming all the way.

Grace let out a very strained snort of laughter. "Okay, I get this, Karen. Funny. Happy Halloween, okay?" She glared at Will. "And I'm sure you were in on this too, your tale about a cut circuit. That's cute, Will."

"Grace, I'm not--" Will shook his head. "I don't know anything about this, I--"

"Give it up, Will. The joke is over."

"I don't know, Grace," Karen said smoothly, "it seems to me that the joke is just beginning."

"You're pulling one over on us," Will remarked uncertainly.

"Oh, _am _I?" Karen said incredulously. "Well, tell you what, I'll be fair and give you to the count of three to get a head start. Then we'll see who's pulling what over on who."

"Okay. Karen," Grace said irritably, "we're laughing right with you. Hahahahahahaha! See? Now…you've had your fun, so…"

"I have? Thinking…thinking…no, honey, I don't believe the fun has started yet," Karen said cheerily. "Now you don't seem to be too excited about my count to three option, so we'll just get started now." She began to advance on them.

Grace eyed Will. "I don't know what this is about, Will, but…"

"Booking it?"

"I'm bailing."

* * *

"We need to find Jack," Grace panted as they reentered the manse. "It's better to stay together. What is Karen's problem tonight?"

"She has a lot of problems, Gracie."

"I know, but we need to focus on the staple problem at hand."

Will frowned. "Which one?"

_"Will!"_

"Oh, you're talking about the one that would make her want to slaughter us all," Will mused.

"Yeah, that one."

"Okay. So what _did_ you do to your assistant that would make her want to slaughter us all? Did you bring her something from the thrift store that you had some kind of mistaken impression that she'd like?"

"Not since the second week I hired her, she told me if I ever did it again, she'd have me stoned and put in her front hall to hang coats on."

"And you now find yourself in a frighteningly similar predicament."

"Yeah, but I haven't _done _anything like that lately that I can remember. I don't even bring her coffee in the morning anymore, she'd only chew me out for knowing better than to bring her anything but the finest brew. At six hundred dollars a freaking bean? Suck it."

"You're going to be sucking it permanently, Grace, you'd better get moving," a sing song voice floated in their direction. Will grabbed Grace's arm and their feet left the ground.

"Where do we go, where do we go?" Grace demanded frantically.

"Grace, I don't know, she knows every inch of this place." Will ran a nervous hand through his hair. "And where's Jack?"

"Jack!" Grace shouted. She and Will raced up one flight of stairs and glanced up and down the long hallway. "It's just us, Karen's not here!"

"How do I know she's not right behind you?" came a muffled cry from somewhere in the hallway.

Will pretended to consider. "Yes, Jack, Karen is right behind us and we're up here _looking for you!"_ he screamed. "Are you kidding? If she was, what are we trying to save you for when we could be saving ourselves?"

There was a pause. "That's a good point."

"I know it is. So where are you?"

"See if you can find me."

"Jack, let's not do that, we have to figure out a way out of here--"

Grace screamed as she sprawled over a crouching form.

"Grace, you okay?" Will pulled her up.

"Yeah, and I think we just found Jack."

Will helped Jack up too. "Brilliant hiding spot, Jackie, she could have never found you here, balled up against the wall in plain sight."

"How many times do we have to tell you that just because you can't see people doesn't mean they can't see you?" Grace added.

"It's Karen," Jack pointed out. "She sees everybody and doesn't even know it."

"That's true." Grace nodded her agreement. "Now let's see if she can 'see' us and not know it while we try to get out of here."

"Trick or treat, Jackie…"

The three of them grabbed each other as Karen's voice seemed to come closer and closer.

"Jackieeeeeeeeeeeeee…Mommy has a surprise for yooooooouuuuuuuu…"

"A surprise?" Jack weakened slightly.

"Jack, no, it's a trick!" Grace whispered urgently.

"He wants to see you…it's Pedro…from the gyyyyyyymmmmm…"

"Oh my God, Pedro from the gym?" Jack giggled excitedly. "He doesn't speak a word of English, but we didn't need words in order to _talk, _if you know what I'm saying…"

"Jack, Pedro from the gym is not here," Will said, "neither is Jeff from the gym, or Nick from the gym, or Brad from the gym, or anybody from the gym! She's just saying that to find you!"

Jack considered. "Could you…bring him up to me, Kare?"

_"Jack!" _Will and Grace hissed in unison.

A devious chuckle was heard. "Oh no, honey…he's down here, right next to me…he loves to see you walk up and down stairs…he says it inspires him…"

Jack was weakening still, and it was taking all Will and Grace had to keep a firm grip on him.

"Jack--no!" Will grunted.

They could hear Karen laughing cattily. "Oh Pedro…you bad, bad boy…put that back on…"

And Jack was off like a shot.

"JACK!" Will and Grace screamed. They raced after him, slamming into him at the top of the steps.

"What the--?" Will began, but his words got caught in his throat. Karen was on the landing, no Pedro to speak of with her.

"Oh my goodness," she said in mock seriousness, "did I mention--that my sharp, shiny friend here also went by the name of Pedro?"

And with that, she lunged.


	4. Jack, Untriggered

_Hey, I want to saythanks again to my reviewers! I'm glad you're liking the story...I have to admit, I'm not a fan of this particular chapter, but I figured I'd leave it how it is and let you guys be the judges..._

* * *

_"Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" _Jack shrieked, diving between her legs as she came at him, and suddenly she felt herself momentarily riding him, which distracted her slightly. 

"Oh…poodle…this is…this is…" she purred. Her eyes narrowed. "This is _not _the time. Back to the program."

"Get the knife, Jack!" Will shouted, but not even a beat later, Jack went headfirst down the remaining stairs to the landing.

"Run, Jack, save yourself!" Grace cried. "Not like you wouldn't do that anyway!" She lost her footing and found herself on her back, her face parallel to the blade of Karen's knife.

"Happy Halloween, honey!" Karen chirped and brought the knife down.

Grace opened her mouth to scream, but no sound left it before Will's head connected with Karen's stomach, knocking her to the landing. The knife flew down to the next flight as Will and Karen continued to struggle.

"Why are you doing this, Karen?" Will demanded through clenched teeth as he tried to pin her arms behind her back.

"Honey, there's a new thing out. It's called boredom. Don't you know it?" Karen laughed offhandedly. "Oh my God, what am I saying, you hang out with queers who don't know what a career is and three feet of hair with a color that's never been seen in nature, of _course _you get bored!"

"Yeah, but not bored enough to go after them with the intent of a bloodbath!" he snapped back at her. "Have I even thought of it? Yes! But have I ever gone through with it? No!"

"You've even thought that about me, Will?" Grace asked indignantly.

"Grace, not now, I'm trying to keep Karencifer at bay so you can get out of here!"

"Oh." Grace bit her lip. "I guess this is the part where I run."

"Yeah, could be."

"Okay. See ya." Grace hotfooted it down the stairs, meeting Jack at the bottom, who was holding the knife and looking as if he didn't know which direction was left or right.

"Give me that," Grace demanded, snatching it from him. "Will! The knife! _Catch!"_

However, Will's attempt to catch the knife was his own undoing; as he leaned forward to seize it from mid-air, Karen took that very opportunity to knee him twice in the stomach.

"Oof!" Will pitched forward, which gave Karen enough time to reclaim the knife and crawl over to him, turning him over.

"You think I don't remember that you people couldn't catch if you were within half a foot of each other?" Karen snarled.

"Oh my God!" Will burst out angrily. "Grace told you my trying out for Little League story? I gave her a box of Krispy Kremes and a smiley face cupcake to keep it to herself!"

"What are you going on about, Sally?" Karen snorted impatiently.

"Oh." Will grinned at her. "Not much. Would you like a cupcake?"

"Shut up!"

"Karen," Will choked out. He grasped the wrist of the hand clutching the knife with both hands, his fingernails digging into her, wondering how long he could hold her off. Just as he could begin to feel his resolve slipping,

"Hah-_YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Jack leapt up on to the landing behind them, and they froze.

"Jack, what the hell are you doing?" Will wanted to know.

Jack paused in shock. "Will! Hello! What does it look like I'm doing? I'm saving you from mortal peril!" As an afterthought, he added, "You can repay me in cash. Fifties are good."

"Yeah, Jack, I'll add that to my agenda," Will retorted dryly.

"Much as I know how the queens love to chat," Karen interjected petulantly, "murder in progress here."

Jack squinted at her. "Not if I have anything to say about it." He pointed a small handgun in her direction.

Will's throat went dry. "You wouldn't…would you?"

Karen's eyes, now round as saucers, "Yeah, honey…what Wilma said."

"Wouldn't you just love to know, Kare Bear?" Jack giggled knowingly.

"If your finger goes anywhere near that trigger, the girl's getting it!" Karen warned.

Jack continued to tease her. "Wouldn't you just _kill _me to know--" He gulped. "Bad choice of words. Rewind!"

Karen let out a mockingly affectionate laugh. "I sure would, honey. But you'll have to be patient, I can only smear one queer at a time."

"You won't be smearing any of me, sister," Jack declared. "And maybe just like a fourth of Will if this doesn't go as planned. Now I sense a dilemma here. If I try to shoot you, we're all going to be eating Will for dinner--well, maybe just Grace, who'll be working her way through him so fast she won't even know whatshe's eating--but if Pedro tries to take a tour of Will's digestive system, then Timmy here is having none of it."

Karen looked thoughtful. "You're right, Jackie, that is a problem." She bit her lip.

"Sooooo…let's just do it this way," Jack said deliberately. "Nobody has to get hurt here, except Will maybe a little later on for that sweater that's so 1985 that he thought he could pull off and can't--so if you would just give him a little space…then I'll do the same for you…"

Slowly, Karen began to back off.

"That a girl…that's right…" Jack met her halfway, backing off as well. Will decided it was safe to try to work his way toward Jack, bit by bit so as not for Karen to notice.

Karen paused, frowning thoughtfully. "You know what, honey, I have a better idea."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Let's not." In the blink of an eye, Karen grabbed for Will, who was just beginning to get to his feet with the intent of getting down the stairs and to Grace, and in the same instance, almost as if on instinct, Jack pulled the trigger.


	5. A Not So Simple Plan

_Hey to y'all who are keeping up with this...thanks a ton! Again! Like I said ...the last chapter really was not my favorite ...but I didn't know what else to do with it and it meant a lot that you guys enjoyed it anyway. From here the story will kinda go up and down ...like any standard horror plot would ...leading up to what I'm hoping to bea bigger conclusion. So thanks to those who are sticking with me and I hope you continue to do so...:-)_

* * *

Will started to cry out before he realized that what was connecting squarely with Karen's forehead was but a great stream of water. 

"What--" Karen sputtered, trying to shield herself from the current and falling backward.

"Yay, the witch is dead!" Jack cheered.

"Jack, it's water," Will pointed out, exasperated, "at the very least, she's melting."

"Give it up, kids," Karen coughed feebly, "that _Wizard of Oz_ bit is weak." She sat up, trying to assess the damage. "Oh my God…my hair…and…ohhhh!" she gasped out, then slowly brought her head upward, her livid eyes burning into Jack's. "This was _silk!" _she roared.

Jack shrugged. "I'll buy you a new one."

"No, you won't!"

Jack shrugged again. "No, I won't, but it sounded good."

Karen growled at them, slowly rising.

"Hey, Jack?" Will pulled on Jack's sleeve. "Now might be a good time to cut to next scene."

"Right."

* * *

Back downstairs, near the front door, Grace wasted no time covering them in kisses. 

"No, Grace, ewwwwwwwwwwww," Jack whined. "I'll never get this off!"

"I thought you were dead!" Grace cried. "I thought--I thought--"

"No more thinking," Will told her, "we don't have time for that. She's still on her feet and hot on our trail. What _was _that _Charlie's Angels_ deal, Jack, and where did you get that water gun?"

"Mason owes me for a box of hams I smuggled in for him last week," he said. "Karen's been monitoring."

"Well, nothing says 'thanks for the hams' than a water gun that could pass for the real thing," Will remarked.

"Hey, you know, we could be asking the wrong question," Grace said out of the blue.

"I don't know what made him say _Charlie's Angels_--" Jack began but Grace shushed him.

"Not that, Lucy Liu," she snapped. "We're trying to figure out how to get away from Karen, true? Well, maybe we should be asking what could possibly be possessing her to do this in the first place."

"She's possessed by a lot of things, namely Satan," Will said.

"I told you not to wear plaid last week, Grace," Jack said. "It's obvious you pissed her off and she went over the top."

"And anyway, we were trying to figure out how to get away from Karen before this happened," Will added.

"Okay." Grace made a slashing motion in mid air to indicate for them to stop talking. "We can either spend eternity running for our lives--"

"Which, when it comes to Karen, we'll end up doing anyway," Will cut in.

"Or we can figure out what the cause of this is," she continued, ignoring him, "and try to stop it."

"How do we do that?" Jack inquired.

Grace smiled sweetly at him. "Well, Jack, I was thinking we could sit Karen down over a nice mug of hot chocolate and talk to her about it." Her features hardened. _"Why would I be asking if I knew!"_

"Cool down, Lorena Bobbitt," Will told her. "I think you've got a point. Now…something happened between now and the time she went upstairs."

"Oh yeah," Grace said vaguely, "for a--" She made a quote gesture with her fingers "--breather."

"Breather," Will repeated. "And I'm sure Karen Walker's definition of a breather is planets apart from the rest of us."

"So it seems like the only logical thing to do…" Grace said thoughtfully.

"Yeah…" Jack's tone matched Grace's. "All we have to do is ask Karen what she took."

"That's great, Jack," Grace agreed, "I can only see one little flaw with that plan."

"What's that, G?"

_"She's trying to kill us!"_

"Whoa." Jack backed away, his expression baffled. "Okay, Grace, you really need to develop the will to chill."

"And you need to stop trying to bring back that expression," Will said. "Besides, all Karen cares about when it comes to uppers and downers and, well, basically everything in between is that they have long, unpronounceable names, God forbid that she'd know what they actually were."

"Which brings us back to my original proposal," Grace said impatiently, "that being, that we somehow get up to Karen's room and try to figure out what it is she took."

"Karen's _room? _Otherwise known as the _Abyss?" _Will exclaimed. "That's insane, Grace."

"Yeah, that tends to happen when someone's after me for blood," Grace retorted icily. "But if you have any better ideas, I'd love to hear them."

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I have a way better idea."

"And that would be?"

"Get into Karen's room and try to figure out what she took!"

* * *

"Where is she?" Grace whispered, Will leading the way with her and Jack clutching the back of his shirt, as Jack had insisted; there was more mass to Will than himself or Grace, and this way, he thought, if Karen were to burst out from nowhere, it would take her longer to kill him, thus giving Jack and Grace more time to get away. 

"Don't you know anything?" Jack demanded, exasperated. "She's biding her time, waiting to come out when we least expect it."

"And this is coming from the she man who came out and everyone expected it," Grace scoffed.

"At least I came out, Grace," Jack shot back witheringly. "I'm not living with a gay guy still trying to figure it out."

"At least _I'm _not living with fifty consecutive guys thinking I have it figured out when I really don't!"

"Lindsey! Hilary!" Will admonished in a loud whisper. "I'm going to tell you the same thing they should have been told at the premiere of _Cheaper By the Dozen_--work it out later."

"Sure, Will, you take the lead once and suddenly you know everything," Jack countered hotly.

"Jack, as many times as I've taken the lead, I think that grants me the privilege of knowing everything."

"And just for the sake of the situation, we'll pretend that you do," Grace said.

_THUMP._

_"Aggggggghhhhhhhhh!"_

_"Grace!" _Will hissed at her. "Are you _trying _to get us all killed?"

Grace considered. "Sometimes. But not tonight. Karen beat me to it."

"What _was_ that?" Jack asked shrilly.

Will was quiet for awhile before, "It came from over there."

They crept to the hallway closet believed to be the culprit of the sound, and Will grasped the doorknob.

"Are we all aware that nothing good could come from opening that door?" Jack moaned softly.

"Are we all aware that Jack has been watching too many renditions of _Halloween?" _Grace wanted to know.

"Might I remind you, Grace, that _you're _the last one who screamed?" Jack told her testily.

"Yeah, but…okay, can we think about this?" Grace laughed halfheartedly. "We know Karen came into this world missing a few imperative things…like a heart…a conscience…yeah. But do we _really _believe that she would--"

Will cut her off as he threw open the closet door.

Dead silence.

Then,

_"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_


	6. Problem Child

The lifeless body had tumbled out of the closet and fallen on top of Grace, pinning her to the floor before any of them knew what to do.

_"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my GOD!" _Grace shrieked. "Will! _Will! _She's got me! I'm done! And--I had things to see and people to do! _No! _I mean people to see--"

Jack giggled maliciously. "I think you got it right the first time, Gracie Bear."

"Can it, Grace," Will said tiredly. "It's just Rosario, and she hasn't got anyone. She's dead. Jack, help me."

Collectively, they rolled the motionless Rosario off of Grace and shoved her back in the closet.

"Well, we know what Miss Scarlett was doing in the hallway with the knife," Will remarked.

"Rosie," Jack sobbed. He stayed that way for about five seconds before his moment of melancholy had passed. "You know, I always wanted these shades. Think she'd mind?" Before anyone had a chance to answer him, he'd plucked them off of her face and positioned them on his own.

"What are you _doing_, Jack, you can't do that!" Grace snapped at him, mortified.

"Well, Grace, what am I supposed to do? It's not like Karen let her walk around with anything better than this to her name."

"That's not what I was--"

"Shh!" Will broke in abruptly. "Listen…"

Karen's voice wafted up through the nearby floor vent.

"That's right, Olivia, sweetie," she was cooing, "we're playing _in the dark._ That makes it much more fun!" She laughed delightedly. "But you see, they've done a bit _too _good of a job hiding from me, and I think I need some help. Can you do that for me?"

They strained to hear Olivia's reply, but failed to do so.

"What's _in _it for you? I'll tell you what's in it for you, you selfish little--" Karen stopped herself, forcing another laugh. "I mean…uh…I'll give you _six _dollars tonight when I lock your brother in his room, instead of five. Six whole dollars, to eat as much candy as you want to as long as it's putting him in his misery. How does that sound to you, honey?"

This time, they could hear Olivia clearly. "Not as good as a hundred."

There was a long silence. Then,

"I think I like you. It's a deal."

"She's getting her _stepdaughter _into it now?" Grace exclaimed, incredulous. "I didn't even know one of the kids was in the house! Is it just us Karen's after, or is she going to go after Olivia and Mason at some point too?" She began gnawing on a licorice stick she had retrieved from the rear pocket of her skirt.

"No more, Gracie," Will said gently, carefully taking the licorice from her, fully aware that he could be in danger of losing a finger while doing so. As expected, she opened her mouth to protest, but he wouldn't give her the chance. "You were just heard trying to sort out Karen's thought process. It doesn't go together."

"Yeah, kinda like that hair with that shirt," Jack said.

"Or kinda like that mind with that body," Grace countered.

"Or kinda like that knife with that flesh--wait, you know, I could see that happening…"

"Keep going and I'll make sure it happens, but not to me--"

"Okay!" Will burst out. "Is it the licorice you want, Grace, because I might need to use it by way of bribery for the little one while she's trying to figure out whether or not to blow the whistle!"

"You can't!" Grace protested angrily. "That's _my _licorice stick!"

"Someone wants your life and you're worried about a licorice stick?" Jack inquired dubiously.

"Well, someone wants _your _life and we all know what kind of stick _you're _worried about!"

"I'm going to stick _both _of you if I ended up getting killed," Will told them venomously. "Now getting to Karen's room is the only sensible thing you've said all night, Grace, and I'm going to do it with or without you."

"This is so wrong, Will," Jack murmured.

"Jack, it's the only way to--"

"I mean, you can't stick someone if you're _dead."_

* * *

Olivia clattered down the stairs, mad with giggles, she could hear her stepmother's friends, she really could! They weren't hiding at all, and she would be one hundred bucks richer! Even at nine, it was milk money to her--but she didn't mind too much. The scream that began to erupt from her throat when she rounded the corner and collided with them quickly turned to triumphant laughter when she realized she had run straight into them.

"Found you!" she shrieked jubilantly. "You're not even hiding! Didn't you want to play anymore?" Before anyone could respond to her, _"Kareeeeeeennnnnnnnn! They're down HE-mmmmmmphhhhh!"_

Will had scooped up the small girl, hand clasped tightly over her mouth. "No!" he whispered sharply to her. "If I let you go, will you promise not to scream?"

Olivia deliberated; then nodded.

"That's not fair," she protested softly, "I'm getting a hundred bucks for this."

"Well, I can do you one better," Will said. "How about hundredbucks _and_ a licorice stick?"

_"Will--!" _Grace whined, and Will shushed her.

"Grace, I'll get you ten licorice sticks tomorrow if you let me do this," he promised her, and turned back to Olivia.

"A licorice stick?" Olivia said doubtfully, and Will heard it in her voice.

"Did I say a licorice stick, sweetheart?" he asked quickly. "Did I _really _say licorice, did you _hear _me say licorice when I meant…uh…"

"Yeah, when he meant a hundred and fifty _plus _the licorice!" Jack interjected.

_"Jack!" _

Even through the darkness, they could see the whites of Olivia's eyes. "A hundred and _fifty?" _

"A…a hundred and…fifty," Will repeated weakly. "Plus the…licorice."

Olivia chewed her lip thoughtfully. "What flavor is it?"

"Uh…what flavor do you like?"

"What flavor do you have?"

"Which flavor do you want?"

_"Which kind of licorice is it!"_

"It's, uh, red."

"I like chocolate."

"But I don't have chocolate."

"But that's the kind I like."

"But that's not the kind I have."

"But that's the kind I wanted."

"Okay, kid," Jack intervened. "We're trying to be nice, so are you going to do this our way or not?"

"Do what?"

"See, living proof that she won't," Jack said.

"Jack, we haven't even--"

"No." Olivia pouted, trying to struggle out of Will's game. "I don't _care _what you want me to do, this is stupid and all of you are stupid and I'm not playing anymore."

The three adults exchanged a glance.

* * *

_"Wwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"_

Her cries were muffled by Will's hand; he, Grace, and Jack were in the process of trying to force her into the downstairs hallway closet.

"Does anyone besides me feel incredibly cruel about this?" Grace asked.

"Personally, I think the world would be a much better place if _more _kids were locked in closets," Jack declared.

"Well, Jack, you also think that the world would be a much better place if our national anthem was 'Believe' by Cher and gay men grew on trees, so you'll excuse us if we don't take you too seriously," Grace said.

"Grace, _everyone _wishes gay men grew on trees," Jack said witheringly, "even straight men like you."

"You know, I have a funny feeling we shouldn't be putting Olivia in this closet," Will mused.

"Maybe because locking a child in a closet is against the law?" Grace offered sardonically.

"No, it's something other than that…" They slammed the door shut on her, which then prompted a thump, followed by a scream so deafening, they thought they could feel the entire manse shaking.

"Oh yeah…that's the closet Karen stuck Rosario in," Will said.

Grace covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh my God, we have to let her out!" She started to fulfill this action before Will and Jack dragged her away.

"It's just a dead body covered in bloodstains," Jack said. "She'll get over it."


	7. Goodbye and Hello

"Er…Mrs., uh, Walker?"

"Who wants to know?" Karen slammed down her martini on the smooth cherry wood counter top of the mini bar as the screen linked to her outside security camera came to life, a figure just outside the securely locked gates. She had lazily left the front doors ajar, knowing that nobody would get very far, should they attempt to escape through it; and she was in no hurry to finish off the fashion unconscious red head, the fat lawyer, or the teenage girl stuck in the man's body. They had obviously forgotten the security cameras positioned in and on every nook and cranny she and Stan could manage to fit them, and she knew their every move. They weren't going anywhere without her knowing about it.

"Uh…it's…Lenny, from the electric company?" he said diffidently. "We got a call saying you were having some…problems over here?"

"Problems? What?" Karen erupted, leaping to her feet. "What problems? Who called you?"

"I dunno…something about your fuse box? Would you like me to come in and take a look around?"

Karen's face broke into an enticing smile all of a sudden. "Oh, _Lenny," _she said knowingly, "sure you can come in, honey…be with ya in a jiff…" She licked her lips in anticipation as she hurried out the doors and to the gate.

"Evening," he called out when he saw her. "Not a fan of All Hallows' Eve, are you?"

"What?" she snapped, then immediately lightened her tone when she saw he was noticing the heavy chains and the padlock to go with it. "I mean…" She laughed facetiously. "Not too much. And what brings Lenny out on the night of spooks and goblins and…things that go bump in the night?"

Lenny laughed with her, though more uncertainly. "Ah, you know, it's the job," he said, "comes with the territory."

"Of _course," _Karen said, "well, come in, sweetie, come right in…" She inserted a small key into the padlock and pulled the chain from the gate. "Wait…give me just one little second, will you?" She went back to the keypad positioned by the front steps and punched in the code that would open the gate, then gestured him forward. He hesitated before complying, and hesitated even more when he saw that she was fastening the chain and padlock back into place.

"Uh…" He coughed uneasily. "You know, I'm…not going to be here all that long, I just…"

"Of course not, honey," Karen said cheerily, "but we don't want anyone wandering in that wouldn't be welcome, especially tonight, isn't that right?"

"Guess not. So…you know, I've been here before, know where everything is…so I'll just…get to work," he blathered, once they had gotten inside and he was heading for the basement steps.

"That's what I have you on retainer for, honey," Karen agreed. She grinned wickedly as she noticed his quick, nervous pace. "Just one thing before you start…"

He never saw it coming, and Karen brushed her hands together rather resignedly once the task was finished. "Well, you were right about one thing tonight," she said, "you were never going to be here all that long."

* * *

"Why do I get the feeling that if I so much as _touch _the doorknob, I'll be sucked into some kind of infinite netherworld?" Will pondered.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with the countless people before you who have," Grace assured him dryly. "Now let's do this before she shows up with her scythe." They skulked in, one right after another and took a moment to look around.

"This can't be her room," Will protested. "Where's the pitchfork collection, or…the pit of fire?"

"Jackpot," Grace said as she spotted a mini refrigerator and found it stuffed to the gills with every kind of liquor substance imagined. "Any questions?" She directed this to Will.

"Not anymore." He scratched his head. "Okay, everybody, start looking for illegal substances. Anything a funny color and a long name, chances are that's what it is."

Jack giggled. "Will, that's the same thing you said when Glen wanted to do you last Christmas, remember?"

"Oh, Glen?" Grace spat out in disgust. "He _was _a funny color with a long name."

"I don't suppose anyone would bother to remember that I never did him," Will said mulishly.

_"Another _thing you're always saying!" Jack clapped in delight. "Dontcha just love all these little trips down memory lane?"

"I'll send you on a trip down memory lane," Will told him, "in fact, I could make it so memorable that you'll never make your way back to reality--not that you were ever in it in the first place."

"Well, this is something I don't want a memory of," Grace said with a wrinkled nose as she checked random drawers, coming across one filled with translucent lingerie, another with padded bras, another with all the essentials Karen must have needed to put her face on.

"Wow," Will said, impressed, "somebody knows about the important things in life."

"Yes, they do," Jack, who had found the drawer containing stacks of _Men Behaving Badly _magazines, agreed slyly as he flipped happily through the pages.

"I get that when you're done with it," Grace said automatically.

"If I die, Will, and you're paying for my funeral--will you bury me with these?" Jack asked him.

"I can't promise you that, but I _can _promise I'll bury you myself if you don't start helping somebody other than yourself."

Jack waved him off. "You're just jealous because I got here first, big boy."

"This isn't jealousy," Will retorted, "jealous will be when Karen finds you before me. It will be a shame when the first thing she does is burn off your eyebrows."

_"No!" _Jack choked out. "She can't do that--I just plucked them! They're my best feature…other," he added coyly, "than these dashing blue eyes."

"Why, Jack, I never knew you'd noticed," Will said. "Now _do something!"_

Jack squinted at him. "A guy has one insane murderer after him and it puts his whole day off," he muttered.

"Trick or treat, boys!" Grace shouted out, "girls…whatever it is they call you people." She stepped back, revealing a massive compartment in which contained what looked like Karen's personal drugstore. "Every dealer's dream."

"Exactly, which is good news for us if we run low on extra cash but doesn't help us at all when someone's after us for blood," Will said, exasperated. "We have no way of knowing what she doped up with, and knowing her, it was multiple varieties."

"Well, thank you for the bulletin, Mr. Encyclopedia of Bad News." Grace threw her hands up in the air. "That'll narrow it down big time, why didn't you just reach into your ass and pull it right out for us?"

"Why don't you just put your head up your own ass so no more of your dumb ideas will come out of it?" Will exclaimed. "How are we supposed to figure out what it is that made Karen more murderous than she already is! She could have taken anything, she could have drank anything, and she probably did--"

"Oooh…" Jack spoke up before he could go any further. "I wonder if these would feel as pretty on the inside as they look on the outside, what do you girls think?"

Will flashed him a brief, impatient glance. "Jack, not now--_Jack!"_

Grace's head snapped up. "Jack, where did you find these?" she demanded anxiously when she saw the half inch tablets of a purplish hue he was holding between his thumb and index finger.

Jack held up the small Prada handbag he had been digging in. "Sometimes she leaves me surprises," he told them impishly.

"I don't want to be surprised any more than we already have been tonight," Will said. "Where's the bottle they came in?"

"In the bag." Jack started to toss it to him, but Will waved it away irritably.

"No, I don't want to reach in there! That's like sticking my hand in a lion's mouth, just give me the bottle!"

Jack rolled his eyes and did as he was told, but was clearly more interested in rummaging through the remaining contents of the bag. Grace abandoned the drug drawer and tried to read the label from over Will's shoulder.

"Is that it?"

"She got it yesterday." Will pointed to the date. "I'd bet you my whole life--"

"Why don't you bet something else, at least for tonight," Grace suggested.

"Well, okay, I bet you every guy I've ever slept with--"

"Why don't you bet something else, at least for the rest of your life," Jack piped up.

"I bet _your _life, Jackie--" Will glared at him from the corner of his eye. "That everything in that…medicine cabinet, so to speak, has been opened at some point, and while we agree, yes, insane, I don't recall any intent to butcher on Karen's part before."

Grace tugged on his arm. "Does it say anywhere on there what could be causing this?"

"Why…yes, Grace, how funny you should ask, here it is, right here in black and white--'side effects may include drowsiness, dizziness, and oh yes, delusions of killing off your friends…'"

Grace put a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, that explains it all," she whispered in awe.

Will snorted. "It explains nothing other than the indication that you upped your dosage of gullible pills."

"Better my gullible pills than my bitch pills, you big sissy."

"I am _not _a sissy."

"Don't make me come over theeeerrrrrrreeeee…" Jack sang out lazily.

"Look, it doesn't matter." Will capped the bottle and stuck it in his pocket. "We got what we needed, and that's what does."

"Now what are you suggesting we do, O Wise One?" Grace scoffed. "Put them out of reach and tell her she can't have any dessert until she finishes her vodka?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Will responded through clenched teeth. "She knows the rules--no dessert until after she finishes her vodka _and _at least half of her gin."


	8. Come Hell Or High Water

_"…and everyone will hear me sing, 'Let's kill Will instead of Bill, to hell with his law if I slice him raw, and then here comes Jack, what can't he hack, it's…Grace…and nothing left but half her fa--whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttt?"_

Karen had been singing herself a tuneless little melody as she wrestled her latest victim into the downstairs hall closet next to the corpse of Rosario, her mood having taken a definite lift in spite of the three that were only just out of her reach--that is, until her eyes rested on her nearly catatonic with fear stepdaughter.

"What the hell is this about, Cindy Lou?" she shrieked as she yanked Olivia out by the arm and shook her. "Good Lord, that wasn't Bozo the _clown _that ran by tonight, it was only Grace Ack…uh…Al…it was only Grace, I don't care what you think! Of course," she added smoothly as an afterthought, "if I were your age and saw that outfit, I…well, you just listen to me right now, even if she was wearing leather and cowboy boots wouldn't give you _any _excuse to--"

"I…didn't…they put…" Olivia's words were barely audible.

"What? Grace put a spell on you? Oh, for God's sake, your mother gives you ankle weights for your birthday, your father forgets you in a funeral home, your husband decides he'd rather sleep with boys and this is what happens! If that isn't just like Grace…"

"No…in the closet…they…"

Karen's eyes blazed. "That's the last Scotch," she seethed, "no one locks up my step kids except me and gets away with it!"

Olivia moaned softly as Karen dragged her along the myriad of expensive Persian rugs overlaying the blood spattered hardwood floors.

"Oh, stop already," Karen told her impatiently. "So you got stuck with a couple of corpses, I mean, good Lord, it's not as if Saksburned down--" She choked as the realization of what she had uttered hit her like a bucket of ice water and she stumbled, nearly taking Olivia down with her. "God help us, I was just trying to give my only stepdaughter an affectionate, loving example of how things could be worse…" Karen's hand flew up to her chest as she attempted to regulate her breathing. "God forbid, those girls…and Grace…are going to be the death of me yet, I tell you, the _death of me!"_ A diminutive yelp of pain coupled with already existing terror emanated from below her; her rage had taken her to squeezing Olivia as if she were a rag doll. "Well, God, honey, I'm only trying to _comfort _you…" Karen loosened her grip. "But you see, you see what I'm forced to stoop down to when the mediocre civilians won't cooperate with me! Burn and Saks in the same godforsaken sentence, what the hell's the matter with me! It would be different if we were talking about the homeless or Grace's wardrobe, but…" Karen sighed in utter despair, releasing Olivia, who promptly passed out at her feet. "I know, sweetie…the thought of Saks burning down made me want to do that too."

* * *

"Pretty heavy stuff," Will whistled as he perused the label more carefully. "I wonder if her pharmacist has any idea what he's peddling?"

"I think her pharmacist likes to see Grover Cleveland on a regular basis," Grace said. "Five times over, I might add."

Jack chewed his lip thoughtfully. "The name's a little Sesame Street goes on a road trip, but otherwise I might like to see this person on a regular basis too."

"Jack, the chances of that are about as good as your cabaret opening to a full house," Will intoned.

"A very good chance then."

"Just because you consider Will's showing up a full house in itself, Billie Holliday, doesn't mean the rest of the world does too," Grace told him.

"Grace…"

"Sweetie, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, don't worry about the Truman family reunion pie eating contest, it'll all come skimming of like a duck on water--"

"Not _that! _Anyway, I'd rather be eating pies than having latke free throws and bobbing for sufganiyot while trying to keep my mother from slipping steroids in my kosher wine to help me develop my girly parts."

"You don't _need _any help developing your girly parts, I can _hear _them developing as we speak," Grace shot back.

"But if Will's--" Jack began, looking rather put out.

"Relax, young Grasshopper, your girly parts go without saying and merely bloom in sporadic increments."

"If you're finished providing visuals for which I will fall asleep to later on tonight, I think I've hit on something," Will cut in.

"Oh, that? Yeah, don't worry about it, Will," Jack said, "that was just the fat in your waist, hips, and thighs you were feeling."

"You said Grover Cleveland, Gracie," Will said, "who, by the way, nobody will see alive or even printed on a 1K bill, as those are no longer in circulation…"

"He printed his picture on a thousand dollar bill?" Jack exclaimed. "Oh my God, that is _genius…_if we get out of this alive, can you say definite possibilities?"

"I'll vouch for definite insanity on your part when we get to that bridge," Will assured him, "but that's beside the point right now. I don't know what it's worth to get in touch with this…pharmacist of hers, but I have some questions. And he might be our best bet."

"If we pull that off, I'm going to eat my hat," Grace swore.

"Why not, sweetie, you eat everything else," Will responded absently. He dug into his jeans pocket for his cell phone and dialed a few numbers before yanking it away from his ear and shaking it irately. "No service? If anyone or anything else in Karen Walker's manse said that, they'd be strung up and shot."

Grace grabbed Karen's bedside extension and listened for a few moments before slamming the receiver back in its cradle. "The line is dead," she whispered.

With no regard to where Karen might be at the moment or what she might be planning, they rushed for the upstairs hallway extension then downstairs, then downstairs where they knew there was one in the front room, but to no avail. All dead.

"How is it that we didn't see this coming?" Will mused.

A chime echoed throughout the house, indicating a visitor at the gates, and the three of them exchanged glances of sheer horror as the clicking of heels resonated on the floor between rugs; in order to reach the entrance, Karen would have to walk right past the front room that they were right in the center of, its silk curtains parted. Their comprehension of this dawned simultaneously and they scrambled for hiding places, crashing into each other as they each attempted to snag a spot behind the massive marble statue of a nude angel holding up a glass ball. Jack quickly grew tired of the scuffle and fit himself neatly underneath a golden velvet sofa. Taking no notice of his abrupt absence, Will and Grace continued to vie furiously for a place behind the statue, which would obstruct one, but not both of them, from view. This went on for another moment or so until Grace stumbled backward into the statue itself, causing the glass ball to fall from its hand and Will to pitch forward and catch it before it hit the floor. Grace took this opportunity to squat behind the statue, leaving Will in plain sight while Karen clacked nearer…and nearer still…

He had no choice other than to entwine himself as prudently as possible within the curtains, and not a moment too soon; Will could not only sense Karen pausing only inches away from him, but the calculative pan she gave the room. After an agonizing minute that felt more like an hour, she apparently hadn't seen anything out of place and continued on.

"Fancy," Grace's voice came to him and he gritted his teeth as he disentangled himself from the curtains.

"Well, as you seemed to pick up some kind of misguided notion that you were in more danger than the rest of us, I didn't have too many options," he said evenly.

"Wow_eeeeeeeeeeee_," they could hear Jack as he began to slide out from under the sofa, "have you _seen _what she keeps under here…"

"My guess is that if it's not something illegal, it's shiny, worth something, or is potentially harmful to small children," Will said.

"Jack, just get out from under there," Grace said impatiently. "Will, come here! I think I've got something…"

"Grace, how many times do we have to tell you that having orgasms is not something you share with the class…"

_"No!" _Grace hissed. "Just listen!"

"…well, I know you drew the short straw this year, Gardener, but did you really have to bring him _back? _I was getting used to the peace and the quiet and the satiated refrigerator…"

"What is she talking about, for someone who drinks all the important meals of the day?" Will demanded.

_"Shut up!"_

Jack joined them, a stack of bills in the larger denomination half concealed through the collar of his shirt, a Rolex on one wrist, an expensive silver bracelet on the other, all while in the process of trying to garnish an ear with a Cartier diamond earring.

"Jack, would you get--!" Will shoved him back toward the sofa.

"I have to get _something_ out of this," Jack told him in disdain, "and just because I can make myself pretty while there's no hope in hell for you doesn't mean--"

Grace's glare was sharp enough to shatter glass, and they instantly quieted.

"…be that as it may, there's ten extra pounds in that bag just waiting to put themselves on him, and if you think that--oh God, all right, I'll be out in just a second…"

"Don't you get it?" Grace snapped. "If she's going to open the gates now, this might be our only chance! And there's no way she could go after all three of us at once."

"Yeah, body mass slows you down, so the best she can hope for is Will," Jack said, brightening.

"While I don't necessarily agree with you on that, Sticky," Will said slowly, "I'm willing to go with Grace on this. I don't have any better ideas."

"Well, then, we have to move!" Her glare went back into place, which she tossed in Jack's direction. "Put the toys away, Jane, and come on!"

"Awww…"

The three of them crept as one toward the now vacant entrance hall, and positioned themselves so they could see what was going on out the open door without being seen. They could just barely make out the gardener and who appeared to be Mason dressed in a Superman costume just outside the gate, while Karen fiddled with the locks.

"Well, if nothing else, she's picked up some independence from this," Will remarked. "Who thought they would ever witness Karen Walker opening the gates on her own?"

"Yeah, kinda like when I came into the office at normal time a couple of days ago and found her not only already there but on the phone," Grace agreed. "Of course…it turned out she was only using my line for one of those 1-900Do You Want To Talk Dirtydeals…but I don't suppose beggars can be choosers, so…" They slunk out on to the grounds as the gates began to swing open, alternately ducking behind pillars and yard sculptures. They caught one another's eyes as they came within a few feet of Karen, and Will held up three fingers for Jack and Grace to see.

"One," he mouthed, "two…three…" The last word came out at a holler. _"RUN!"_


	9. The Great Escape With Strings Attached

_Well, so here it is, Halloween, and sadly I am not posting the concluding chapter as I'd planned...oh well. We're getting there. Thanks to those of you who are sticking with me, and have a great Halloween!_

* * *

Karen let out a terrible scream as the other three pounded down the remaining pavement to the gates, the money Jack had stashed in his shirt fluttering out on to the ground.

_"Leave it!" _Will shouted as Jack attempted to go back for it, and when Karen raised her knife into the air and tore after him, Jack seemed to think better of it and obeyed.

"Gardener, what the hell are you doing just standing there like we're doing this for your own entertainment?" Karen shrieked at him. "Get out your hoe and _start swinging!"_

"Uh…Mrs. Walker, I…"

"I'll consider your request for a three figure paycheckkkkkk…" she sang out impishly.

"Done!"

_"What?" _Jack cried out in disbelief. "But…Gardener…after everything we've been through…well, Saturday afternoon in the strawberry patch at the very least…"

_"Yaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" _From out of what seemed like thin air, Gardener produced a hoe, which sent Mason running and froze Jack in his place.

"Hmm…" Jack tapped his chin several times thoughtfully. "Maybe I'm thinking of the cook…"

_"Jack!"_ Will yelled in his direction.

"Huh? Oh. _Aaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" _Jack managed to dodge not only the gardener, but Karen, who lowered her knife quite suddenly, a malevolent grin spreading over her features. Before Jack had a chance to ponder this over, he watched her dash back over to the gates and punch in the code that would close them.

_"No!" _Will and Grace screamed in unison, putting on extra bursts of speed. Grace screamed again as she came across a wet patch of concrete and found her feet leaving the ground before landing flat on her back.

_"Leave it!" _Jack ordered as Will turned back for her, he himself clubbing the gardener on the side of the head with a ceramic potted plant, which put him out straightaway.

"Shut up and run, Jack!" Will retorted as he yanked Grace to her feet.

"Mason!" Karen called over to her stepson, who had yet to reach the doors, "throw yourself against the skinny one the way you do the ice cream man when he doesn't give you enough double scoops!"

Another scream was about to work its way from Grace's throat when Will clapped a hand over her mouth. "She wasn't talking about you, she meant Jack," he said crossly.

"So you're saying I'm fat," Grace said indignantly.

"I'm not saying anything, I'm too busy running!" The gates had clanked two thirds of the way shut by then, and they glanced around frantically for Jack, who was in the process of hastily attempting to trade two Tootsie Pops and a pack of Chuckles he had found in his pocket for Mason's full-sized almond Hershey bar.

_"Jack, the gates!" _Grace howled. Will pulled her through to safety and Karen, expression twisted up in rage over the two that were just out of her reach, went for Jack once again.

"Uh…uh oh…" Jack clasped his hands together anxiously, his eyes darting in all directions. "Um…" He cast a quick glance back toward the house. _"Mason! What are you doing in that liquor cabinet, it's not like she won't notice you replacing her Jack Daniels for SALAMI!"_

_"What?" _The moment it took for Karen to follow his gaze was all Jack needed to spring for the gates.

"Hurry, Jack, hurry!" Grace cried; the gates were nearly shut. With a twist, a flip, rounded off by a broad cartwheel, Jack landed neatly on his two feet outside the gates.

Grace grabbed him to her. "I would kiss you if my desire to kill you wasn't so much more," she told him through clenched teeth as they sprinted down the long, winding driveway, where they could still hear Karen screaming and attempted to ignore it.

"Well, now what?" Will wanted to know as he tried his phone once again and still found it to be out of service. "I don't suppose anyone thought to call a cab."

"It's funny that you mention it, Will, because I _did _think about it at one point, the only problem was…oh God, what was I doing, running for something…" Grace chewed her lip in thought. "Oh yeah, _my life!"_

"So what are you suggesting, Grace, that we try to escape by foot?"

"No." Grace paused. "I am suggesting that we take the limo."

Three pairs of eyes traveled to the side, where the inert limousine sat.

"You think?" Will said warily. They let another moment or so go by before they dashed over to it, examining it prudently. Grace tested the driver's door, finding it unlocked, and yanked it open as Jack jumped into the back.

_"Aaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh!"_

"Oh my God…Driver…" Jack breathed as the deceased body spilled out onto the brick pavement. The three of them were momentarily frozen before Grace shoved the rest of him out of the driver's seat.

"At least this way we can start using crosswalks again," she said.

"Grace, what--get out of there, you're not driving!" Will commanded, forcing her over.

"Queers can't steer, now get in the back!"

"Well, you're from Schenectady, like that's so much better!" Will shot back. "Where a two car pile up versus three counts as a pass!"

"Will, get _out, _we're losing time--"

"Knock it off and don't pinch me--"

"Quit it--"

_THUD._

Will let out a terrified yelp and leapt over Grace's lap, landing in the passenger seat. The threesome slowly raised their heads to the roof of the car as one.

"What was that?" Jack whispered loudly.

More sound reverberated from overhead.

"It almost sounds like…someone's up there," Grace gasped out.

As if on cue, a head of wild hair emerged over the roof of the car, appearing through the windshield, a maniacal expression on its face.

_"Aaaaaaghhhhhhh, it's heeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" _Jack screeched.

_"Grace, floor it!" _Will screamed and Grace rifled frantically through the ring of keys she had snatched from the driver's jacket pocket.

"Oh God…I don't know…which key…Will, help me…"

Jack whimpered from the back, his knees drawn up to his chin, balled tightly against one of the tinted windows. He didn't notice the hand snaking down over the edge until it connected squarely with the glass, causing a fraction of it to shatter. Jack's scream corresponded with Grace's finding the correct key and jamming it into the ignition, and they went roaring off into the night, clouds of dust from the concrete billowing up in all directions.

"Where is she?" Will shouted, and the answer appeared in the form of Karen's hand, clawing desperately at Will's window.

"I can't do this," Grace wailed as she caught brief sight of it, and slowed slightly. "She's still Karen…I can't…we'll end up killing her, Will, if we…"

"Grace, she's Damien gone female!" Will yelled. "She'll never die! Now _step on it!"_

Rather than waiting for Grace to comply, he swung his leg over hers, aiming for the gas pedal.

_"Will, no!" _Grace tried to fight him off, Jack making a racket in the back as his body slammed helplessly against one side of the car, then the other.

"Grace--get--_off--" _Will snarled, ignoring Karen's face appearing sporadically through the various windows as she attempted to hold on. "I don't want to kill her, I just want to get her off!"

"Great, Will," Grace huffed resentfully. "We're completely terrified here and _you _have to wonder your innermost thoughts from Thanksgiving 1985 out _loud!"_

"What are you talking about--"

"Don't tell me that wasn't the first thing in your mind when I tried to ride you like a wild stallion!"

"Ugh." Jack clutched his stomach. "I don't know why you would remember that at _all. _It's like…puberty, or…going on a date with someone you met in the produce aisle at the grocery store. It just doesn't make for memories you want to keep on the ol' desktop." He tapped his head a few times.

"I'll have you know that if Will had been _straight--"_

"Sweetie, this is like the deli that goes by the five second rule rather than health code standards--I just don't like to go there."

"Whatever, Will," Grace growled, "I would have made a great screw and you know it."

"Well, we're all going to be screwed if we don't get Spiderwoman off of there," Will said. Grace was so busy sulking that she noticed too late Will going for the brake.

"Will--!" The car went screeching to a halt and Karen went tumbling headfirst past the windshield, on to the ground.

"What if--" Grace's voice was barely audible, but her unspoken question was answered as Karen leapt up with a scream, prompting collective screams from Will, Grace, and Jack.

"Or not," Grace said, her voice trembling as she shifted the car back into gear and squealed around her.

_"Damn it!" _Will burst out as his phone failed him once more.

"Will, use the car phone, it's right there," Grace pointed out in utter annoyance.

"Unless she slashed that along with everything and everyone else," Will said, reaching for it.

"No, she needs it for the essential V's: Valium and Vicodin."

"And the numerous additional essentials that don't start with V," Will agreed. Upon finding a functioning line, he pressed in the number he had come across on the prescription label, switching to the speaker feature so they could all listen in. He didn't know what he was expecting on the other end of the line, but it wasn't a low toned, dangerously soft, "Yes, Mrs. Walker. It's all ready for you, upon your arrival, provided that you come up to the door."

"Uh…" Will had by this point been rendered speechless, quite the contrary to Grace who spoke up, her tone flawlessly matching Karen's to a tee.

"Yeah, yeah, honey, you do that…you know what I like, the fat one was shoving Snickers bars and gumdrops down his gullet so fast I could swear he choked, died for a minute or two, and then came back to life…so if you've got something that could knock a girl unconscious for several hours while modifying the memory that you could throw in, I might be able to give you a treat of your own…"

What came over the phone was a formal, "I will certainly do all I can…"

"Do what you will, honey, just be out there when you hear Driver knocking, two short, one long, then another shorty. You've just got to refresh Driver's ol' memory, he's about as good at remembering where he's going and what he's doing as he as at driving himself…where is it you're at?"

He rattled off an address located on the East end, in which direction Grace promptly turned the car toward.

"Fabulous. Kisses." Grace gestured for Will to disconnect.

"I can't believe you did that," Will told her slowly once he had, "but that was _brilliant."_

Grace shrugged. "What choice did we have? If he didn't think it was Karen, he never would have talked. He probably has some kind of system rigged up so he knows when she's calling."

"She probably doesn't even need to call him for him to know he's dry," Will scoffed. "She doesn't need to call any pharmacist in the whole _state _for them to know she's dry, she supports the entire pharmaceutical economy on behalf of New York all on her own. If there isn't some kind of Oriental gong going off when she runs out, then my name isn't Will Truman."

"For what it's worth, sometimes we all wish it wasn't," Jack offered.

"Jack, do us a favor and take a trip--I hear it's lovely in the peanut gallery."

"That's fine, Tubby," Jack pouted. "I don't need you anyway. I've got everything I need back here, a whole mini bar and rack of porn, and, well…if I found either of you men even remotely attractive, I'd have it made."

"You'd have it made in any kind of nut gallery, have you thought about that?" Grace asked him. "Now please just stay there, at least while I try to find this place." They made it for five minutes in silence between Grace gazed at Will from the corner of her eye. "Have we thought about this? What are we going to say?"

Will sighed heavily. "I don't know, but it'd better be good. Our lives depend on it."

Jack reached for the extra porn.


	10. A Nightmare On Dealer's Drive

_Hey everyone, sorry for the insane wait ...life has been just that, insane ...but bear with me, we'll be drawing to a close in just a few short chaps from here..._

* * *

By the time they were pulling up the cast iron gates of a very distinguished looking building, tempers were twice as high as they had been before. 

"Jack, if I hear 'ohhh…do it again…_harder_…' one more time…" Will threatened.

"It's the _way _he says it, Will," Jack said earnestly. "With so much passion, so much…_drive_…but I can see how you wouldn't understand the art of it, you know, not being part of the club."

"What? The hardcore club? Yeah, I pulled my membership a long time ago, it was just too rough for me…"

"Haha, that was _funny, _Will, like…1995 Oklahoma City bombing funny."

"Jack, that _wasn't_ funny," Grace intoned, aghast.

"I rest my case." He leaned back in his seat, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "Amateurs."

"Like encouraging heavy sexual activity is so much of an art," Will scorned. "Yeah, I can see how many years of training it must take to develop the perfect 'do it again, do it again' articulation to your delivery."

"Yeah, and to think Jack perfected it with zilch for training," Grace added. She shifted the car into park and sighed. "Soooo…we gonna do this?"

They retreated bit by bit from the car, ambling in single file to the stone steps.

"How is it that I'm more frightened now than before we went into Karen's bedroom?" Will murmured.

"Don't worry about it, his tone had that low 'if you come in, you're never coming out' quality to it, but that's just the movies…I mean…" Grace chuckled offhandedly.

"Well, we thought Karen was something from the movies too," Will pointed out, "even before this happened."

Jack, missing the fundamental point as usual, giggled. "That's not so true, Grace, Will went in one time and eventually ended up coming out…"

_"Enough with the Thanksgiving reminiscing!"_

_"Grace!" _Will hissed.

"I wasn't even talking about that," Jack grumbled. "I just meant in general."

"Jack, I don't want to hear from you," Will said ominously.

"Well, I don't want to _see _you, but with your flab blocking all that's holy, can it truly be helped?"

"And can it truly be helped when I choke you before Karen does?"

"Timmy! Tommy!" Grace hissed. _"Enough!" _She seized the brass knocker and banged in the fashion as promised, studying the peephole and section in the door that the one who answered could slide open and speak through without the visitor ever seeing who it was. "Well, we're done." She threw up her hands in defeat. "He's going to see that we're not--"

"Mrs. Walker. I see that indeed."

They jumped, and Grace gulped.

"Yet--" There was a long, deliberate pause. "I see it is in her car that you have arrived. I would know it from anywhere."

"I think anyone in your position would know her car from anywhere," Will said, letting out a snort of laughter. When no one joined him, he stopped abruptly.

"So. You know her."

"Yes, we do…" Grace trailed off, unsure of whether or not he was asking for an explanation.

"Well?"

"We would say so."

"Well, then you must tell me how it is that you have come here."

The three exchanged diffident glances.

"Um," Grace hedged, "it's…could you open the door…maybe?"

The silence went on for so long that they thought for a moment that he would say no more. Finally, "I don't know who you are. Only that by some way or another, that you know Mrs. Walker. With nothing more than that to go on, I don't wish to open this door to you."

"Okay." Will rubbed his hands together anxiously. "Now…as it's…us who's here, should indicate to you that Karen could not be…"

"Which I find highly unusual. Normally her driver comes up to the door, dear man could take well into half an hour to reach the steps, but she would always be in the car. She could be a rather…tough customer, but I daresay she was content with anything that came in large quantities."

"Except Stan, and he came in _countless _large quantities," Jack protested.

"She never would have admitted it even when she was," Grace snapped, "now shut up!"

Will nudged both of them hard and chuckled tautly. "Anyway, uh…we digress…would you happen to remember if she came by…yesterday?"

"I recollect."

"Well, it's…really important that we know what you gave to her."

"I'm afraid I'm not really at liberty to discuss that."

Grace slammed herself against the door so suddenly that Will and Jack grabbed one another in alarm; then realized what they had done and let go.

"Listen, Lurch, I don't know about you, but I woke up to taxi drivers cussing at each other in Russian down on the street, _this _dingwing--" She slapped Will on the back of the head "--pigged out on the last of the bagels, cream cheese included--"

"Gracie, I'm _sorry, _I didn't know you wanted--"

"--and _this _dingwing--" She slapped Jack on the back of the head "--shoved my _second_ breakfast choice, the remains of my _last _box of Fruity Pebbles, if you must know, down his throat without even _chewing, _a prospective client didn't go for the Mediterranean theme I was going for and decided to give one of my _competitors _a call, the soup special at my favorite deli was _split pea soup_, the cab I went home in smelled like freaking rotten milk and sweat socks, my assistant can't answer phones or hug her kids or hand out a blasted piece of _Halloween_ candy and now she wants my head on a _platter, _so I suggest that you drop the tight ass butler act before I _discuss _certain things with certain people who would not be very happy with what I had to tell them and _open the damn DOOR!"_

As if her outburst had never happened, the door slowly creaked open. "Very well."

Grace stepped through in a very dignified manner, Will following her rather guardedly.

"Jack, what are you doing?" Will asked him in a low voice when he noticed Jack hadn't moved from the doorstep, instead scribbling in a pocket sized notepad.

"Taking notes," Jack replied. "'Neurotic flare ups coupled with mindset of no better days ahead…'" He snapped the pad shut and shoved it back into his pocket. "It might come in handy for the future."

"You don't need to take notes for something that is oh, so much a part of your charming persona already," Will told him, clapping him on the shoulder before he kept on, Jack trudging sulkily behind.

"Please," the "pharmacist," or so they had come to assume him to be, said, ushering them into what looked like a small office. They still could not distinguish a face, as the residence was bathed in shadows, including the office. All they could make out was a tall, slender figure donning dark clothing. Once he was seated behind his desk, Will, Grace and Jack in chairs before him, he nodded very slowly.

"Go on."

Wordlessly, Will offered him the prescription bottle, which the pharmacist took and studied under a sliver of light emanating from a tiny desk lamp.

"Ah. Yes. I only just…started including this."

"We noticed," Grace responded coolly. "And she only _just _began taking it, and she only _just _started coming after us like cows in a slaughterhouse, so do us all a grand favor and _explain."_

He rolled the bottle around his palm, studying the label for far longer than the others deemed necessary, as he had been the distributor. "Well, I can tell you it's something relatively new, and again, not something Mrs. Walker has had before…not to my knowledge, at any rate."

"Okay, so what's in it that could be making her do this?" Will wanted to know impatiently.

"Well, it…I'll assume that you know that Mrs. Walker is somewhat…of a drinker?"

"The Pope knows that and Karen's never even met him!" Grace exclaimed.

"All right. Most…medications, if you will, contain…elements that no sort of alcoholic beverages would respond well to…the results of consuming something of that very nature with a medication tend to be very…great. However, Mrs. Walker's body has long since become accustomed, and in turn, almost immune to most of these drugs and the effects simply seem to…bounce off of her."

"If that's true, what's so different about this one?" Will demanded.

He leaned back in his desk chair and laced his fingers together. "I cannot say for certain, but I can give you my best guess. It's comprised several different…well, you must keep in mind that it was only a sort of experimental…piece…" He cleared his throat. "It contains a combination of everything Mrs. Walker is in the habit of taking on its own and the outcome of it doesn't seem to be treating her kindly, from what you have told me."

"A combination ? Of _everything_ she's used to taking on her own?" Grace repeated. "But that's--you can't--how is it--okay, wait." She massaged her temples briefly. "What Karen takes on a daily basis is enough to knock a _herd _of elephants over and keep them there and you're telling us you've got something that would put it in her system all at once?"

"I suppose you might put it that way. But I should tell you it works in stages…that's how it was composed. Quite the contrary to all the drugs acting at the same time."

"That still doesn't tell us--"

"What it tells us, or so I believe, is that it would never be a wise choice to allow as many types of alcohol as I am certain of Mrs. Walker to be consuming into the body when such a plethora of drugs are at work," he said. "While Mrs. Walker may be good with most aftereffects, when that amount of medication enters your system with as much alcohol, and as quickly as this particular pill is designed to move, I must admit that the reaction you have come to me regarding does not surprise me."

"Has it been a problem for anyone else?" Will asked.

"Not thus far, but I don't know of anyone who comes with a wine glass so surgically attached as she does. Too much of too many hard beverages with this medication is not something to be mixed, and though I warned her of it…"

"Yeah, well. She was born with that wine glass in her hand, and trying to get her to change is like telling someone that they can't have brown eyes. There's nothing they can do about that," Will pointed out.

"Yeah, or like telling Jack that boys are yucky, there's nothing that can be done about that either," Grace added. "Nothing in the world can make him go for the girls and believe me, I've shown him everything under the _sun--"_

"Grace--" Will slashed the air, indicating for her to stop.

"Well, you get my point," Grace concluded vehemently.

"What _you've _got is enough to make _anybody _want to sleep with boys," Jack sneered.

"I'm putting you in Karen's front line vision," Grace threatened scathingly. "The first chance I get, I swear to you…"

"Any-_waaaaaaaay…" _Will said pointedly, nodding in the pharmacist's direction. "So what can we do? Is there anything? I mean…if it's like any other drug, it'll wear off eventually…"

"That's quite true, but with this one, it's hard to tell. And you don't know how much damage she's capable of before that occurs. You could also attempt to get her to flush it out of her system, and _not _with Bacardi's…but with straight and simple drinking water."

The threesome gawked at him in unison. Will opened his mouth several times, but no sound would come out.

Finally Grace managed to squeak out, _"Water?"_

"She's never heard of such a thing," Jack murmured.

"Consuming enough of it will override any other liquids in her system," the pharmacist explained. "She needs something clear and solid flowing through her right now and I would think that would be the best thing for her."

"But that's like locking Grace in a bakery and telling her not to eat anything," Will protested. "It can never happen."

The pharmacist slowly got to his feet. "Well, I'm afraid I don't know what else to tell you," he said. "I have shared what I was able…the rest will have to be up to you."

The other three stood with him.

"I'll keep this with me," he said evenly, tucking the remains of the prescription into his pocket, "and you'd do well to get rid of any more of it you might come across."

"I thought you just gave her the one bottle," Will said with a frown.

"No. Two, to get her through the holiday."

"That's beautiful," Grace groaned.

"Yes, and even more beautiful than that is that you would not disclose any of the things you saw or heard tonight," he advised them. "If this would end up being a problem, it would be best to remember that I have your number."

Will and Grace eyed him for a moment, or believed they did, as they were unable to see his actual face, but Jack squealed.

"I _so _think this secret agent thing you've got going on is hot," he raved, "so if you've got my number…please do use it."

"I'll do that," he said as he saw them to the door, "if you remember to leave Red some Fruity Pebbles next time. I would hate to think what might have happened if you finished off her Coco Puffs."


	11. Will's Surrender, Or So the Song Says

_More apologies for the delay ...more excuses ...I won't bother listing them all...but here we are. Not my favorite chap, to be honest, but every dog has its day I guess..._

* * *

"Okay, so is there a trick to this?" Grace demanded as they proceeded to the limo. "We can't exactly walk up and offer her a glass of water when we can't even get close enough without losing an eye…or a finger…or a life…" She shrugged. "Whichever comes first." 

"I'd rather be focusing on that than trying to get those extra pills," Will said. "Jack, the bottle you gave to me, was that the only one you'd found in Karen's purse?"

"Mm-hmm." Jack was still busily gazing back toward the house.

"Forget it, he isn't someone you want to have your number," Grace told him.

"There's a lot of people I wouldn't want to have my number," Jack responded slyly. "Those usually turn out to be the best kind…"

They climbed into the limo, Grace allowing Will to drive this time around, and he frowned uncertainly as he attempted to start it up.

"That's…weird…" he muttered. All that would come out of his turning the key was the sound of sputtering. "What…"

"The engine's dead!" Grace flared. "How--?"

"Well, honey, I don't normally like to toot my own horn…" came slyly from the very back and they turned in unison.

_"Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, she was right behind me!" _Jack shrieked as he scrambled to join Will and Grace in the front. Karen's hand shot out like a snake, grasping painfully at his left ankle. Instinctively, Will and Grace gripped his arms and pulled, Will leaning over the seat in attempt to get a hold of his torso.

"Grace, on my count!" Will commanded. "One…two…_three!" _Jack slid cleanly out of Karen's now chipped manicured hands.

"Will," Grace said urgently as she fought with the door, "Will…the door…it won't…we can't get out…_Will…!"_

Karen cackled maliciously as she slowly made her way up to them. "This is Karen Walker you're dealing with, kids, she has the best of everything, including a back up car to follow you in and a lock in feature with this one to keep spineless creatures such as yourselves right where I want you."

"We're homo salad," Jack whimpered piteously, attempting desperately to recoil but failing with a lack of space in which to do it, "and I never got my extra special dressing…Henry…Billy…Jerry…Hans…Curtis…Tiny…well, he's Tiny for a reason and it's not something I'm going to reflect upon in the last five seconds of my life…"

"Don't finish that list, you'll never reach the end of it," Grace moaned softly.

"Okay," Will sighed wearily, holding both hands up, indicating surrender. "Okay. Um…I'm thinking you might want to start with me…as Jack has been so kind to remind me, my body mass would take the longest to work through…then…" He chewed his lip in thought. "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter who you take out next, I'll be dead and won't really care…well, I'll leave that up to you." He raised his eyebrows at Karen. "I'm just trying to make the whole process quicker and easier for you, understand."

"Will, what are you--" Grace hissed, for which she received a sharp nudge in the side that Karen didn't appear to notice.

"What are you playing at, Wilma?" Karen snapped.

Will shrugged, rather dejectedly. "I'm not, Karen, I just…I mean, look around us…Jack, Grace…we're crammed like sardines up here, there's no space, nowhere to go, you've even got the doors on an auto lock. Now I'm a lawyer so I'm always up for a good fight, but I've also had to learn how to know when I'm screwed and be at peace with it. And…" He cast a brief glance around the limo. "I think you could all agree with me when I say we're screwed."

"I suppose," Grace concurred begrudgingly. "You've already made it your mission in life to try and make me believe I have absolutely no reason to live on a daily basis anyway, Karen, so I don't see why tonight should be any different."

Jack, his eyes gradually growing wide as saucers, wasn't catching on and Will and Grace noticed.

"Look what I have here, Jackie, naked men!" Grace whispered swiftly out of the corner of her mouth, yanking out a magazine she had swiped from Karen's room unnoticed and flipping it open for him, and as she had hoped, instantly diverting his attention.

"And as you can see, Jack apparently has no preference whatsoever as long as you hold up pictures of men having sex and wear a low cut blouse while you're taking care of him, right Jack?" Will said.

"Uh-_uhhhhhh_," Jack sang happily, too engrossed in the magazine to be paying attention to anyone or anything around him.

"Case in point," Will affirmed. "So you see, Karen, there's really nothing holding you back, it's just too bad that--" He sighed remorsefully with a shake of the head. "Never mind. I guess I'm up, eh? Okay, Karen."

Karen narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "It's just too bad that what, Wilma?"

"Oh--" Will waved her off. "It's nothing. It doesn't matter, I was just…just taking advantage of the last opportunity I'll have to think out loud. Just never mind."

Karen lowered her hatchet. "You don't think out loud in front of Karen Walker, you just tell Karen Walker what you're thinking," she said, a counterfeit smile spreading over her face.

"Karen, really." Will shook his head. "You're about two seconds away from what you've wanted to do all night, so I don't see why you even care."

"Oh, I don't," Karen told him lightly. "I'm just curious what a fat, balding lawyer with no love life and an apartment he shares with a husband who has no interest in him would be thinking as his whole dreary life flashes before his eyes. That's all."

"Well, FYI, it's nothing like that," Will informed her. "I just happened to be thinking that if I were you, this isn't how I'd be doing this, but hey. I'm not you, so go at it."

Karen looked highly affronted. "What's wrong with the way I'm doing this?"

"What does it matter?"

"It matters because if you talk to me now, the better your chances are of staying alive a little while longer."

"I thought we already went through this. I don't care about staying alive a little while longer."

"I don't care either, but I think I have a right to know what it is you think I'm doing so wrong."

"I don't think you're wrong, Karen, I just don't think you're making the wisest decisions here. Maybe you don't think me good for much, but after God only knows how long in the courtroom, I can smell injudicious decisions a mile away. And I think the best one you could make right now would be to let me drive back to your place, you up here in the front seat, even, just to make sure I don't try anything stupid--rather than trying to take all three of us out right here where there have been cops back and forth all night."

"Good Lord, how stupid do I look to you?" Karen snapped at him. "I've had a lot of things written across my forehead in the past, but that isn't one of them. You think I don't know what you're up to?"

"Up to?"

"Oh God…" Karen snorted with shrill laughter. "You were in my room, you queen! I could see your ass all the way from the bar! You found the porno drawer and you want to get back into it, Mr. Fruit, am I wrong?"

"Hell." He began to laugh and nudged Grace, who joined him, rather tentatively. It quickly turned from that to a snorting, breathy, over exaggerated kind of laugh that caused Will to nudge her again as an indication to stop. "You got me, see that, Grace, she got me. All I want to see in my last half hour, or if I'm really lucky, hour on this Earth are images of Matt Damon wrapped around Brad Pitt the way the breading of a corn dog is wrapped around the hot dog itself…" He trailed off as he caught sight of Grace's features twisting up in at disgust, as much at the bad analogy as at the thought itself. "But I'm serious about the cops. Maybe they never come up to the door, not even when you lock Mason outside in twenty below weather wearing nothing but pajama pants on Thanksgiving Day, but they might have a hard time ignoring blood spattered windows in front of a house that belongs to a man who calls himself your pharmacist but tends to be so much more."

Karen frowned. "Well, somewhere the vodka doesn't seem to be adding up with the gin, but I'll go with it for now, and only because of the cop factor," she said. "Queers who prefer uniforms and just happen to be a stickler for the law because it looks good, yipper skipper. I get enough of that at the office with _Grace."_

Grace's head snapped up. "What are you talking about, Karen, that isn't the truth at all! I'm never in uniform."

"Well, honey, the apparel you show up in begs to differ," Karen retorted. "It begs for a lot of things, including to be burned."

"So you're welcome to have a bonfire, with my full blessing," Grace told her, "once we do this."

"All right, Sandy," Karen said, eyeing Will, "you know where you're going. No funny stuff, and no one will get hurt before they have to."

"Why is it that Will automatically gets to drive?" Grace wanted to know.

"Grace, you can't even dress yourself and you want me to trust you behind a motor vehicle?"

Will laughed in spite of himself.

Jack looked up in a daze. "Where are we going?" he murmured.

"Never you mind, sweetie, you just look at your pictures," Grace said, gently nudging his head downward so that his eyes were on the pages. "Why don't you find a naked blonde, the guy with the biggest penis and a depiction of the hottest sex you can find, if you do that for me before we get to where we're going, I'll give you one of the Backstreet Boys to be buried with."

"Ooh, can I pick which one?"

"We'll see how good of a job you do."

"Okay, I'll do a _really _good job," Jack promised her vehemently, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Good boy."

"God, we're crawling like a tortoise with a broken leg, and the hare just passed us three times," Karen groaned. "Step on it, will you?"

"Well, I could, Karen, if you don't mind having ghosts and vampires and princess fairies stuck to your tires," Will retorted sardonically.

Karen smiled quizzically at him. "Well, honey, I never have before, and if you don't put the pedal to the metal in the next three seconds, I know one fairy who's going to be stuck to the tires and then some."

Will did as he was told, fully aware of what was at stake by not heeding to her.

"Look, Grace, look, is that good?" Jack tugged at Grace's arm to get her attention. "Blonde hair and a big penis on the same person, does that count, Grace, does it?"

"Keep going and we'll see."

"It should, those lovelies look big enough to smack around a tennis court."

"Just keep looking."

Before long, they were pulling into the driveway Will had never wanted to see again, after having fled from it only an hour or two earlier. He shifted into park and was about to pull the key from the ignition when Karen snapped her fingers vigorously as the gates opened before them.

"Not so fast, not so fast," she snapped. "Pull in."

"Pull _in?" _Will repeated in disbelief. "And completely annihilate the grass you've paid all the grounds people fifty cents a week to keep up for you?"

"Pull _in, _Wilma," she ordered. "No one is getting out of this car until I'm absolutely certain there's nowhere for you to run."

"All right, all _right," _he said crossly. "God, keep your flask in your pants." He stole the brief moment Karen looked away from him to glance at Grace out of the corner of his eye, and although he was unable to see her whole face, the bit of expression he caught was loud and clear.

_You'd better have a plan._

"I know what I'm doing, Gracie," he murmured softly.

"What did you say?" Karen demanded.

"Uh…I said…'did you hear who Anna Nicole Smith has been screwing lately?'"


	12. A Few Modifications And Jack's Awakening

_Hey to all mylovely readers ...we're getting there! (Yeah yeah, I said that like, I don't know how many chapters ago, but I really mean it!) I'm banking on the next chapter or the one after that being the last ...but who knows how this will go ...and on that note, please let me know if you think there's something I should be doing better, or differently ...I know exactly how I'm wanting to excute these last couple chaps, but I'm not sure if they're turning out as well as I would have liked. But hey, what can ya do, eh? Still, if you've got something you want me to know about, don't hesitate! Most of all, enjoy:-)_

* * *

"Hey," Will whispered to Jack as they followed Karen through the glassed in front doors and through the lounge, "do that face that you did when Karen offered to fix you up with either her masseuse or Mason's swim coach but told you you were only allowed to pick one." 

"You mean like this?" Jack screwed his face into a mixture of longing and agony.

"Hey hey! Slim Fast deficient! Nancy!" Karen barked. "Arms in, straight line, yaps shut! This isn't midnight at the oasis!"

"Well, if it was, would this little excursion include a bathroom break?" Will wanted to know, "because Jack has to…make some lemonade."

"Lem--oh God, can't you just say take a leak like a normal person?" Karen groaned.

Jack arched a puzzled eyebrow. "I do? I mean…I _do," _he said vehemently as Will elbowed him painfully in the ribs. "It's those…lattes…thirty six of them…maybe thirty seven…I stayed awake on last night, waiting for Brian to call…they're still…working their way…uh, Down Under…you know?"

"And," Grace added, unnecessarily, "the three burrito supremes I grabbed at dinner with all that extra…hot sauce? Yeah…um, doing the Mexican Hat Dance in my digestive system as we speak…"

"Don't help," Will warned her through gritted teeth.

"Well, they are," Grace muttered back.

Karen shrugged coolly. "Well, it's not my fault that no one thinks enough of Reject to return his phone calls or that Glutton can't abstain from drive thrus. So you're just going to have to grin and bear it. Only for a few more minutes, mind."

"Okay, but I can't promise I'll be able to hold everything in when you're slicing me up like some fine cheese, and take it from someone who had an apartment that smelled like a cat that lost its way to the litter box--"

"And still does," Jack added.

"--human waste coupled with nine liters of blood creates an odor that does a number on everything, including--"

Will whistled at her under his breath. "This is getting way too complicated," he muttered, then raised his voice. "Hey--what's that on the rug?"

"What's what?" Karen glanced down, as he hoped she would.

"That." In the blink of an eye, he had forced Grace and Jack off the rug and yanked it up by both hands, causing Karen to topple over.

"Help me!" he hissed at Jack and Grace, who were jointly able to aid Will in enclosing Karen within the rug and getting her up off the ground.

"Oh my God, do these prescriptions cause an excess weight gain too?" Jack groaned, and the high pitched but muffled scream that rang out was just as much one of protest as it was one of fury.

"Come on, I've thought about this," Will grunted, "and we're going to do the same thing with Karen that she does with Mason when the butcher stops over to deliver the meat of the week--"

"Oh, oh, you mean we're going to stick her in the laundry room?" Grace exclaimed. "That's perfect! She never goes down there herself, just shoves him through an oversized laundry chute, so she wouldn't know her way out!"

"Precisely." They heaved her into the closest bathroom, and with much difficulty, sent her down the chute, giving themselves a moment or two to make sure she hit the bottom. When the thump came that indicated this, they scurried upstairs. Had they stuck around for much longer, they would have witnessed Karen pulling herself upward, having been able to maintain a solid grip on the edge and letting her handbag and custom made Prada shoes wrapped in the rug drop to create the impression that she had in fact fallen.

"Okay, kids," she said cheerily as she brushed herself off, "the stakes were high enough before, and unfortunately for you, they just got a whole hell of a lot higher."

* * *

"Come _on," _Will muttered frantically, tearing Karen's room apart in his foray for pills and not caring; he knew it wouldn't matter in the end, "it's got to be here somewhere…concealed in at least one padded bra or an empty Jack Daniels bottle…unless she's storing everything under her rack to save time…"

"I thought I was the only one who knew she did that," Jack said indignantly.

"No, but I know at least two people in this room who wish you were," Grace said.

"Excuse me, Grace, could you wait and repeat that after I get off the phone?" Will retrieved the receiver to Karen's bedside extension and put it to his ear. "Yeah, help? Uh huh, I called a little while ago looking for you, but you still don't seem to be here…"

"Like there's a chance in hell that I'm going under Karen's boobs for you," Grace snapped. "I only needed to go through that once."

"Aaaaaaaaaaand I know two other people in this room who wish we didn't know that," Will said, referring to himself and Jack.

Grace crossed her arms. "I'm just saying I'm not."

"I never asked you to, Grace," Will barked. "I asked you to abandon your belief of the myth that Jewish people have crap for eyesight and give me a hand here!"

As if on cue, an arm stretched forward out of the corner of his eye, the hand attached offering him a bottle that he took to be the prescription he was looking for. "See, Gracie, once you dispel one illusion, you'd be amazed at how many others you can--_GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"_

Before he knew what was happening, a sharp blade had connected with his wrist, drawing a broad line of blood. He dropped the bottle he was grasping, clutching his wrist, falling back on to Karen's bed in pain.

"Were you looking for something, honey?" Karen chirped. She held out the bottle, waving it in front of his face. "Was this it?"

_"Will!" _Grace began to move toward him before Karen swiveled the knife in her direction which stopped her at once.

"Grace, what the _hell _was so important that you couldn't warn me that she was right behind me!" Will demanded crossly.

"Sorry, Will," Grace said in a small voice, eyes to the ground, "I had an Almond Joy in my pocket, and I…hadn't finished…chewing."

"I told you to lay off the candy!"

"No, you told me to lay off the licorice!" Grace pointed an accusing finger at him. "There's a big difference!"

Will breathed hard through his gritted teeth, squinting at his wound, which, thankfully, had not appeared to have damaged any veins. "I don't know if you take requests, Karen, but if you do, Grace just made it to the top of my list."

"Well--" Karen bit her lip. "I did think she'd make a marvelous main course to my entrée-" She gestured toward him "--and my dessert--" Traveled over to Jack. "But I suppose if it means that much to you to be the main course instead of the entrée…"

"No fair, the main course is the best part!" Grace shouted. "So naturally _I _should be it!"

"Oh, we're talking about natural now, Grace?" Jack piped up, "in which case should make _me _the main course to your dreary little entrée."

"There's nothing dreary about my entrée!"

_"Brrrrrriiiiiinnnnggggggg! _Hey, Leo, Gracie here claims there's nothing dreary about her entrée, and my cotton candy cologne and collection of facial coupons for your begging to differ…"

_"Shut up!"_

"Please shut them both up," Will muttered to Karen, searching both of his pockets frantically for something that would suffice in putting pressure on his wrist.

"Here, honey, no sense in you bleeding out before I'm ready for you to," Karen said impatiently, tossing him a clean washcloth. "But that's one of my finest, so try not to get it too stained."

Will shook his head at her and carefully wrapped his wrist. The sound of a bottle being popped open and pills shook out made his head snap up.

_"NO!" _He dived forward, knocking both the bottle and the pills in her hand to the floor. "Jack--Grace--get them!"

They scrambled to do as he said. Karen stomped on Jack's hand when she noticed he had gotten a hold of the bottle, and in the same beat, yanked Grace's hair as Grace scooped up the pills.

_"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" _they howled in unison.

Karen and Will eyed each other as they both went for the desired items, Will snatching up the bottle with his good hand in no time, and slightly panicking when he saw that he couldn't quite reach the pills before Karen could.

"Karen!" he said frantically, "Jack…he's…trying to sneak one!"

"Huh?" Jack looked up with a dazed expression, and expression that changed to horror as Karen turned on him. In a flash, Will had rammed his full body weight against Karen, sending her crashing into her vanity dresser, and grabbed Jack and Grace by the arms, pulling them along with him.

"My mistake!" he called over his shoulder. He had gotten them through the hallway and all the way down the stairs before Grace cried out.

"Will! _Will! Stop! _Just…" She swallowed hard between rapid breaths. "Please stop. We need a better plan than this."

"I know," Will agreed. "But I'm dry, you know? I just wanted to get us back here so we had a chance at getting that prescription. And we got it. So I don't know where we're going from here."

And a slow grin, similar to that of the Cheshire Cat's, spread over the face of Jack, who had been as much help as an electrical appliance on a desert island thus far.

"Maybe _you_ don't," he said deviously, "but that's okay, because I think I do."


	13. Jack's Awakening, Pt 2

_Nothing like posting the next chap of my Halloween fic on Thanksgiving Day ...oh well. Happy Turkey Day to all:-)_

* * *

It seemed strangely out of character to be following Jack's leading this time around, but they didn't have a choice. He hurried them to the basement of all places, to a dark corner where nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"Oh my God, the day has come," Will whispered in sheer horror.

"Congratulations for catching up, Mr. Truman, would you allow me to present you with this all day pass out of oblivion?" Grace responded sardonically.

"Oh my, I could never allow that, Miss Oblivion-Is-My-Middle-Name Adler," Will retorted graciously. "You need all of the out of oblivion passes you can wrap your pretty little fingers around."

"Will, just because I have brought you to a low space with dark corners after you came to the incredibly fallacious conclusion that I was feeling you up in the kitchen last week doesn't mean anything," Jack said vehemently.

"Funny…that's not what you would be saying to tennis coaches and suflaki vendors," Grace mused.

"Well, that's what it felt like," Will grumbled, "and when I tried to make a humorous--"

"Which, by the way, is so not your color," Jack cut in.

"--well chosen comment about it, I got one of those you-know-what-are-you-crazy-I-wouldn't-nail-you-let-alone-feel-you-even-if-it-was-my-last-day-on-earth things, although according to Jack, he might have considered it depending on how hard he was at the time, not necessarily something that needed to leave Jack's thought process and come out of his mouth--"

"So did you bring us here to watch you get one last lay or what?" Grace broke in bluntly.

"No, Grace, I brought you here to get your first," Jack said. "Everything else before this was merely icing before it ever got put on the cake."

"Oh no, he didn't, _Will--"_

"No need to get all bent out of shape, Medusa," Will said calmly, catching her before she went for Jack, "as it is in a scorpion's nature to sting, it's in Jack's nature to come up with barbs that make you question your existence."

"And here I hold the key to continuing our existence, not that I understand why either of you would want to do so, but the world is a strange place," Jack said smoothly.

"The key to continuing our existence is a wall in Karen Walker's basement?" Will asked, eyebrows arched sardonically.

"Ah, not just _a _wall, Will, _the _wall," Jack responded. "Observe." He reached for a flashlight on the concrete ledge and shone it on the section of brick wall he wanted, tapping a random number of times in random spots. Just as Will was about to protest, Jack pressed his full body weight against the section, which promptly separated inward from the rest of the wall.

"What is this?" Grace breathed as she and Will watched in disbelief.

Jack crawled through, gesturing for the others to follow, and in the next moment they found themselves in a life-sized liquor cabinet. Every alcoholic beverage imaginable was lined up from wall to wall, floor to ceiling.

"How is it that _you _know about this place and the rest of us don't?" Will asked with a frown.

"'Cause…I had to do something naughty to get in, and…" Jack giggled. "You didn't."

"But how is this going to help us now?" Grace wanted to know with a frown identical to Will's.

"Easy." Jack shrugged. "We just need to think about this. First, what is the one thing Karen wants most right now?"

"To…use our heads as a totem pole for the front hall?" Grace guessed feebly.

"Oh my God, are you kidding?" Jack gaped at her. "Don't flatter yourself. Anyway. I'm going to pretend that was a real answer, and respond like this--if that's what she wants most now, we need something she wants even more, right?"

"So we need something she wants…moster?" Will said.

"That was so funny that you even made your thighs jiggle, Will! No, wait a minute…they do that on their own. Anyway. Behold." He swept a slow, careful hand around the room.

"We behold," Will said impatiently. "Karen's playroom. Okay."

"Yes, the playroom she keeps countless men on retainer for keeping stocked for her--"

"You keep countless men on retainer too, but that's never going to save our lives," Grace said. "No, wait." She thought for a second. "Yeah, what I just said, but without the retainer part."

"Okay, instead of taking it out on _me _because your life didn't work out, Grace, like how about just letting me get to my point?" Jack snapped.

"So get to it," Grace snapped back.

"Well, I _thought _that you might be able to figure it out for yourselves, but because you have bad hair and Will's just plain fat, I guess I was expecting too much. So listen. And look around. Karen wants us dead, and according to Mr. Smooth in the shadows, the only way to get Karen to chill out is to stay out of her way long enough to let the drug wear off, or get extensive amounts of water into her. In order to do either of those things, we have to get her mind off of us. We can kill two birds with one stone here."

"I still don't…" Will began.

_"Plus…_watch this." Jack found another corner and pulled a few of the bricks out, brandishing what he had found inside.

"More liquor. So what?" Grace said. "That's not exactly a surprise. God forbid she stores up water or energy bars like normal people prepared for emergencies."

"Or wine and chocolate bars, if you're Grace in an emergency," Will remarked, ignoring the dirty look Grace shot him.

"This isn't liquor," Jack pointed out. "It's plain and simple H20, with a distinct flavoring of gin, vodka…you name it, there's a flavoring for it."

"What's the point of that?" Will asked.

"It's not for her. It's for anyone who knows the concept of sharing better than Karen and expects her to do it. Stan, Olivia and Mason, Rosario on a good day…" Jack shrugged.

"How did you know this was here?"

"I'm Jack," Jack said proudly. "Jack knows all."

"Jack sticks his nose, and well, just about every other part of his body, where it doesn't belong."

"That too. So put this--" He held up the bottles of flavor tinted, yet non alcoholic beverages to them. "And the whole distraction method together."

Will and Grace glanced each other. "I--" Will began, then his eyes got wide. "Oh…OH!"


	14. Trouble In High Places

Karen frowned as a faint clomping sounded in the distance, a faint clomping, she reflected as she picked herself up, rubbing her bruised thigh gingerly, that could only be Jack's, with the distinct high and mighty manner to it. Her assumption was confirmed as she caught bits and pieces of angry, erratic muttering, and thought nothing of his failure to keep quiet; his name wasn't exactly first under "Most Subtle" in the World Guinness Book of Records. She licked her lips eagerly, grasping her knife so tightly that sweat pooled into her palm; she quickly wiped Will's blood from the blade and made her way furtively toward the sound of Jack's voice.

But he surprised her. She found him on the landing, right out in the open, and not looking too terribly alarmed at the sight of her.

"Hey, Kare…" he greeted her rather gloomily.

"Hello, Jackie," she said smoothly, taking one careful step at a time. "You must know by now that I have nothing left to say to you."

"Yeah, and I have nothing left to say to Will and Grace, so you might as well get on with it."

"Why do you say that, Poodle?"

"I say that because they're so unfair," he complained, his lower lip trembling dangerously. "They figured out how to get into your hideaway in the basement and they're trying to see how wasted they can get before you waste _them, _but they won't let me--"

He smiled knowingly as Karen disappeared at the speed of light. She reappeared just as quickly, however, enclosing Jack's wrist in a grip of steel.

"You're coming with me," she growled, and they were off.

* * *

"Aaahhhhhhhhh, God, Grace, aren't you going to give me some of that?" Will giggled mischievously. "You're taking all the good stuff!"

"It's all good stuff," Grace chuckled, throwing her head back, rather tipsily in attempt of laughter, and taking another drink. "Find you own, Will…no, no, don't touch me there!" She shrieked with mirth. "Just find your own!"

"What is this, what is this, what the _hell?" _Karen demanded as she found them lying on the floor, surrounded by innumerable empty liquor bottles. "This is _my _toy box, you have no right digging in it…unless," she added slyly, "I give you permission to go into it…but I don't! I don't! Get up!" She dug the tip of her heel sharply into Will's side.

"Oh, oh, don't do that, Karen, don't do that!" Will exclaimed in obvious hilarity. "That tickles! Stop! That tickles!"

"Ooh, the big gay boy is ticklish!" Grace yelled, rolling over to tickle him, which sent Will into hysterics.

"No, Grace, no, stop, stop, stop--"

_"STOP!" _Karen screamed.

They stopped.

"Will," Grace whispered, cowering behind him, "I thought you said witches didn't exist."

"They don't, but ugly overgrown bats do," he said.

"I said get _UP!"_

"Awww, Karen--ow, ow, _OW!" _Grace whined. "That doesn't tickle, that hurts!"

"It's supposed to hurt," she snapped. "Get used to it."

"Oh, c'mon, Karen, don't be so mean," Will begged. "If someone was about to take your life, isn't this the way you'd want to die?"

"That's _me, _Wilma, and unlike you and Big Red, a dark haired man and a steak wouldn't do it for me."

"That would be very good too, I must admit, but we don't have either of those things, or any way to get them," Will pointed out.

"Blondes would be okay too," Grace added pensively.

Will shrugged. "So we're just making do."

"Not with my private collection, you're not doing anything," Karen said. "And not that you're going to need it for future reference, but private refers to the owner, and no one else, having personal access to something, unless that owner should decide otherwise, and in Karen Walker's case--she didn't."

"I don't know what you said," Will slurred in amusement, "but it sounded funny. I think you should have a drink with us."

"You're off your rocker if you think that I would--"

"Oh, _GOD," _Grace moaned as she shook a generous portion of Jack Daniels out on to the floor and rolled around in it, "look at me, I'm absolutely _bathing _in it…feels sooooooooooooooo goooooooooood…"

"Grace, get up from there!" Karen shouted at her. "You're wasting good--"

"What are you suggesting I do with it instead?"

"Oh hell, give it to me!" Karen snatched the bottle from her, tilting her head for a long drink.

"That's nothing," Will scoffed as she finished, lurching forward slightly. "I could do that in a minute. And I bet _you _can't!" He stuck his tongue out at her.

"And if I was a betting woman, _I'd _bet that whatever you could do in a minute, I could do in half a second!"

"Could not!"

"Could too!"

"Fine then, show me!"

"Fine then, I will!" She started to raise the bottle to her lips, then paused. Squinting at them, chewing at her lower lip thoughts. "Oh. Oh, ho, ho. Oh, ho, ho, ho, _ho."_

Will eyed Grace and Jack anxiously. "What?"

Karen shook her head knowingly. "Ahhhhhhh…ha…ha…_hhhaaaaaaaaaa…"_

_"What?" _Grace challenged.

She shook her head again. "I know what this is. I know what this is about. And you're not fooling Karen Walker. No. See, Karen Walker fools people. That's just the way it works."

"It is?" Jack squeaked out.

"Mm-_hmm," _Karen hummed with a cunning smile. "That's right. No fooling. Not the least little bit."

Will swallowed hard, trying to conceal his mounting panic. What were they supposed to do now?


	15. Children First, Women Pending

_Hey all! You are reading the official second to last chapter, finally, I can just about put this sucker in the bag! Gets a bit dramatic toward of the end of this chap, but what can ya do? Thanks for having my back, all you awesome readers, and the concluding chap to follow soon..._

* * *

"Uh huh. Oh yes. Almost got me on that one, yeah."

"Karen, _what?" _Grace shouted in exasperation.

Karen raised her eyebrows indignantly. "Well, if you're going to take that particular tone, I don't see why I should have to tell you, but I suppose I wouldn't be any happier than you are right now if I realized _my _jig was up."

"Jig?" Will repeated, just for something to say more than wanting to respond.

"Jig," Karen repeated. "You heard me, Wilma. And if you think you're going to get me to finish off the Jack Daniels so you can help your merry little selves to my special order imported rum, you're in for a very nasty surprise."

"Oh, well, I guess we are," Will said, trying his best to sound disappointed and hoping she couldn't detect his immense relief. "Yeah, we…found it earlier and Grace would have been on it like a pack of wolves on a bunny rabbit if I hadn't convinced her to save the best for last--"

"Yeah, well, Grace is like a pack of wolves on a bunny rabbit around anything she either put in her stomach, sleep with, or Jewish," Karen scoffed, waving a dismissive hand.

Will squeezed Grace's arm before she had a chance to protest before flashing Karen a lively smile. "So now that we've got that out in the open, I still insist that you join us." He propped himself up on his elbows. "What's your pleasure?"

"I'll obtain my own pleasure, _if _you don't mind," Karen sniffed, still traces of suspicion in her tone. Grace found Will's hand and grasped it in anticipation as their eyes followed Karen keenly. Yet when Karen chose to steal a glance in their direction, they were laughing in a seemingly inebriated way, their heads lolling indolently. "Hey! Evita!" She snapped her fingers toward Jack. "You keep track. You're honest even when you hate it." She frowned thoughtfully. "And I guess if we're being honest, I hate _that…_oh well." She lifted her desire to her lips, closing her eyes briefly to take in the familiar scent, but before she had the chance to let the soothing liquid run down her throat,

_"Gaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh-oooooowwwwwwwww!" _With an earth-shattering shriek, Grace popped to a sitting position like a Jack in the Box, clutching her stomach after someone plodded right into it and over. There was no time for Karen to react before a solid blow connected with the back of her head and she pitched forward, crashing into her wall lined with vodka, which promptly toppled over, several bottles shattering on impact and covering her from head to toe. Standing over the mess was none other than a fully charged Olivia, arms crossed with something that resembled a cricket bat dangling from one hand.

"What?" she inquired, slightly unnerved when horror stricken eyes were what met her rather than the gratitude she had expected. "Why are you looking at me like that? I just saved you."

"You're going to need someone to save _YOU!" _Grace roared as she lunged at the small girl, wrenching the batlike apparatus out of Olivia's grip and swinging it toward one of the walls with such a force that splinters of wood went flying.

Olivia bit her lip fretfully. "That's what Karen uses on Mason's head to keep him away from the kitchen! She's not going to be very happy when she sees what you did!"

"When she sees what I did to the bat or when she sees what I did to you!" Grace spat out venomously, going for her throat, but before she could get a solid grip, Will and Jack had forced her arms behind her back and it was taking everything they had to keep them there.

"Where's Mason?" Will demanded.

"I made him go in his room. _And _I locked the door like Karen always does, and like I do when he's sometimes being a booger. But tonight I _had _to because she stabbed Rosario in the back and I don't mean like she rode her in Italy and cut each letter of her own name in Rosario's back whenever she started to slow down kind of stab in the back, but the _real _kind! And she cut out some guy in a uniform's eyes--"

"Just because he was in a uniform doesn't mean he was here for you, Mary," Will told Jack impatiently as he bristled beside him.

_"--and," _Olivia continued, determined not to lose her audience, "she cut off the gardener's _head!"_

"She cut off Gardener's head?" Jack repeated shrilly. "But--how could she--"

"Yeah! I know--"

"I mean, he'll never be able to see what he's doing now, and--"

_"Jack!" _Will snapped between his teeth.

Olivia crossed her arms. "And too," she said, fixing them, but particularly Grace, in a cool, even stare, "she would have killed all of you if I hadn't stopped her in time."

"We _were _stopping her, Thumbelina," Grace growled at her through clenched teeth. "We had it all figured out before you had to come _waltzing _through and--"

"What Aunt Grace is trying to say, sweetie," Will interjected gently, "is that we know a _tad _more about this whole thing than you do right now--"

"No, you don't," Olivia cut in insolently. "You're fat and you're gay and you're a lawyer. Karen says people like that don't know anything."

"Well, your stepmother is running around with a hatchet and you're going to assume that she knows _everything?" _Will shot back. "Look, you scheme with her for a hundred lousy bucks, you give me a hard time about the licorice, which by the way, I never had in the first place, I was just trying to get you to do what I wanted, you won't stay where we put you, and now you're telling me gay lawyers don't know anything…"

"You forgot fat," Jack and Olivia intoned simultaneously.

_"Bottom…line," _Will said edgily. "This isn't the best time to be talking about who knows what, okay? Especially when _you _don't know anything about anything, you…you pipsqueak."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up in anger. "I--"

"Well, I know something," Grace declared, struggling again to free herself from Will and Jack, "I know that someone's about to get _hurt _if I--Will, the gays are supposed to be _devoid _of the warden's grip."

"Yes, but I don't want to be representing you on the grounds of first degree manslaughter tomorrow."

"No way, the best you could get me with is second," Grace argued. "It's not like I planned it, it's not my fault that Eloise decided to be a little wart."

"You never know, Grace," Jack said smoothly. "She might have done us a favor. We have no way of knowing what condition Karen's going to be in when she wakes up. I think all we can do right now is wait it out, and maybe come up with some other things in the meantime in case we need them."

At that, Grace relaxed. "Okay," she sighed.

"So if we let you go, Gracie, can you guarantee that we won't be scrubbing Olivia's brains off the wall?" Will asked carefully.

She sighed again. "I guarantee."

They released her, rather hesitantly, and Olivia took several steps backwards just as a precautionary measure.

"We're all like cats on a hot tin roof right now, Olivia," Grace said wearily. "It's nothing on you." She moved some of the liquor bottles out from on top of Karen, who moaned softly.

"She's coming to," Will said sharply. "Olivia, go upstairs. To your room, you--"

She moaned again, louder this time.

"Go on, we'll come and get you when we're sure it's safe," Will insisted. "Go!"

"You forget who you're talking to," Grace said. "In her case, it's never safe."

"Grace, I know the difference between not safe and…not safe, okay?" Will retorted irritably. "And we have to make sure this is…just not safe before we let an seven year old into it."

Olivia crossed her arms. "I'm nine. Nine and three quarters. Which _means, _I'm almost ten."

"And I'm twenty six and three quarters--"

"Grace," Will said.

"--twenty eight and a fourth--"

"Grace," Jack said.

"Okay, something with a three in it, but I'm not jumping the gun to do something stupid, am I?" Grace matched Olivia glare for glare.

"You don't have to jump anything to do something stupid, G," Jack offered.

"And I'm going to do something that you won't think is quite so stupid if you don't shut up," Grace rejoined.

"If you ask me, I think both of you are stupid," Olivia announced, arms crossed resolutely.

"I'll _show _you something stupid--"

Grace would have followed through on her threat if another moan hadn't intervened, this time with slight movement.

"Will," she whispered. "Go. Check it out. But wait, take this." She handed him the part of the bat that remained intact. "Here. Poke at it a little, see if it's dangerous."

_"It? _Grace, we're talking about Karen!"

Grace was unfazed; quite the contrary, she seemed puzzled at his comment. "Again I say, poke at it with this."

He sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right." He crept to Karen's side, the others a vigilant distance behind him. Her eyes were beginning to open, a leg stretched out. She stared up at Will blankly.

"What…happened…" she muttered, stretching out her other leg bit by bit.

"What happened?" Will repeated. "You tell me."

Karen squinted at him, but not unpleasantly. "I don't…where…" She attempted to sit up, and collapsed.

"Karen," Will said more forcefully, taking her arm and causing Grace to gasp.

"Will."

"Yes."

Karen felt the back of her head gingerly and winced. "Good Lord, I--did Grace come in wearing synthetic cotton, because this is exactly how I felt when she thought chiffon was--"

_"Okay." _Grace held up both hands irritably. "Okay. My wardrobe isn't the issue here--"

"Oh honey." Karen chuckled dryly as she struggled once again to get into an upright position. "Your wardrobe is always an issue." She brushed at herself, wobbling slightly, and not bothering to make a song and dance over the broken liquor bottles when she noticed them, as she normally would. Will, Grace, and Jack, who was hugging Olivia's shoulders and clutching her tightly to him, exchanged wary glances, knowing full well that she would have been heard in China under any other circumstances. "Oh God…would it be too much to ask somebody what happened?"

"You don't remember?" Jack asked timidly.

Karen scrunched up her face. "I remember…darkness…and…I found myself in a room, in front of a big screen, being told that…the video I was watching would…" She choked back a sob. "Kill me in seven days, and…"

"Gee, it's, uh, funny, how a trip through the unconscious could end up so extraordinarily similar to the plot of _The Ring_," Will mused.

"Oh." Karen frowned. "Yes, I thought there was something funny about…well. Anyway." They watched as she slowly worked her way to her feet.

"You okay there?" Will asked tentatively as she swayed once more.

"Just ducky, Wilma." Her eyes rested on her stepdaughter. "Well, now, Olivia--" Her expression was something of a stern amusement. "Trying to make away with sips again? Or did your brother smell the smoked beef log I had hidden down here?"

Olivia stared at her vacantly, seemingly knocked for six at being addressed so directly by the stepmother who, more often than not, treated her like a scab that she consistently attempted to flick away.

Karen chuckled. "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter." She stepped over to where Olivia and Jack where standing, disentangling her from Jack and taking her into her own arms. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Uh…no."

"Oh. Well, I do." She planted a kiss on a flabbergasted Olivia's cheek. "So much, in fact, that I might give you the chance to run in a little bit here."

"Huh?" Her eyes met her stepmother's directly for the first time that night.

"That's right." Karen's gaze burned unpleasantly into the other three. "You have been working my last vodka and it ends here. Perhaps it's a little persuasion that you need. That," she added slyly, "and the fact that little girls who knock out their stepmothers _never get away with it."_

"No, Karen, wait," Will interceded pleadingly, "just wait. Olivia has nothing to do with this."

"She does from where I'm standing," Karen declared, "and even if she didn't, she turned the tables by behaving in a manner so exceedingly stupid that nobody would be convinced otherwise. But I'm not unreasonable, you don't have to watch. Not unless you want to continue fighting this."

"So you're saying…Olivia's life…" Jack began precariously.

"For ours?" Grace finished.

"Either or. I'm not too picky at this point."

Will didn't have to give either of his cohorts the slightest glance to know how to handle this. "Tell me this one more time, Karen," he said evenly. "We give ourselves up…no funny stuff…and you walk away from Olivia?"

"I'll put it to ya this way, I'll walk away in a way that would never concern you."

"Is that the best you can give us right now?"

"Afraid so."

"Well…" Will lowered his head in defeat. "Then I guess that's better than…any other alternative you could resort to if we didn't…"

"Will, we have no control over what she does after she gives us the axe," Grace argued, "and I mean literally, gives us the axe. She can do whatever she wants to Olivia when we're gone, the lucky bi--I mean…mind you, after all the trouble the aggravating beast gave us over licorice and being locked up with dead bodies, I don't…okay. God." She drew in her breath. "We can't trust her, Will."

"No," Will agreed. "I know. But in the time it takes for Karen to wipe out the three of us and use what's left of our faces for dust mops, it gives Olivia a chance to do something. Even if it's something small. So okay, Karen." Defeat was slowly being written over his face.

"Good," Karen responded coolly. "I'm glad you've come to that conclusion, Daisy, not that you had any other choice. If you look around, you're undeniably screwed."

"Yeah, I know."

"Okay, and I've been thinking about this," she said, "and I know I said I'd be starting out with Will, but I believe it's always good to start out with something light, so Jacqueline, I think you're up." Karen beckoned a trembling Jack forward, and Jack whom Will and Grace could not have been prouder of at the moment; they knew if Olivia had not been part of the equation, that he would have been making by far the most noise about their predicament, fighting to the very end, but now his eyes were seeing something far more significant and he had not one word to say about it. Will knew he was not alone in knowing that there were a million things he could be saying to Grace right then, but didn't. He simply found her hand and squeezed. His free hand he placed gently over Olivia's impressionable eyes, and Jack closed his own.


	16. And They Lived, Well, Uh, They Lived

_Whoooooooo! Did somebody say conclusion, 'cause that's what I got right here! Nothing like posting the last of a W&G Halloween fic a mere three weeks before Christmas, but eh! I admit, I did hold off on posting...just enjoying dragging this out, not to mention the utter evilness and pleasure I would get out of those countless e-mails demanding the next chapter, but like a 16th birthday or a bowl of clam chowder, all good things must come to an end...so that more good things can begin, I guess. A TON of love and thanks to JustJena, Sundown, Keisha, GracieAdler, carbybubbles, Erurisu, Culumacilinte (I don't know about that sex fiend sequel, hon, maybe I should just leave that up to you...;)), islandMAG98, stanleywalkersbitch, rachgreengeller and those who anonymously checked this out...ya'll rock my face off. :-)_

* * *

Their eyes flew open collectively, each regretting it at once; the vivid beams emanating from the overhead lights burning directly into their pupils sent their already throbbing heads into painful contact with the hardwood floor. The blow, however, was the very thing that seemed to bring them to their senses. 

"Ja--" Will muttered, feeling around him and finding what he assumed to be Jack's hand. "Jack? That you?"

"That depends. Orlando Bloom? Is that you?"

"Jack!" Ignoring the pain tearing through his head and the fact that the rest of him felt like it had been run over by a bus, he shot to a sitting position, he grasped both of Jack's hands in his own. "Jack--you're alive!"

Jack watched him, expression rather puzzled. "You've never sounded so happy about that."

"Well, I probably won't be in a few days, but for the sake of the situation…" He whipped his head frantically in several directions before his eyes rested on Grace, whose position was that of her upper body dangling over the edge of the sofa so that her head was touching the floor, but her legs remained spread across it.

"Will…" she mused groggily. "Is this like that time…when we accidentally sat through that episode of _Touched by an Angel _and did everything humanly plausible to get rid of the memory?"

"Not quite like that, Gracie, but close," Will responded. He crawled over to her, not certain that his legs would support him yet, and planted a kiss on her forehead. "You okay?"

She groaned. "I will be when I find out what could possibly be worse than watching an overemotional pixie coked up with caffeine of sorts following Della Reese around, trying to figure out the means of her existence all while she's trying to help other people figure out the exact same thing."

"Yeah. It really doesn't get much worse than that."

She groaned again as she let her legs fall from the sofa. "God. You would not believe the dream I-" She frowned, grabbing at Will's hand. "Will, what--your wrist, what happened?"

"My wrist?" Will followed her gaze, then imitated her frown when he saw what she saw. A gash, not fresh, but not all that old either. "Oh, I…I don't know. But I was next to Jack, who I'm quite sure hasn't yet heard of the concept of fingernail clippers, so…" He shrugged. "It doesn't hurt much."

"Huh." Her baffled expression quickly became one of utter angst. "Where's Karen?"

"I don't know, I…we're awake, aren't we? And we're still here. Were you…did you have…?"

"I think so."

Jack, who had yet to find the energy to move, let alone sit up, moaned loudly. "Oh my God, I either took something on the naughty list or Marlon Brando did me…I can't tell which one."

"Do you remember anything?" Will asked him anxiously.

"I…" A distant look came over his face. "You know…I think I…I think I _do…"_

"What, Jack? Tell us," Grace urged.

"I…" The vagueness was replaced by sheer annoyance. "I wanted Rosario's sunglasses, and _you _wouldn't let me take them!" He jabbed a reproachful finger in her direction.

Will and Grace sighed, just as much out of relief that he was on the same page as out of irritation.

"Do I hear my name in here?" the mundane, bitter voice of Rosario came to them as she entered the front hall lounge area. "I hope it is not because you want something--Miss Karen decided tonight was the night for a sponge bath and I need several hours to recover afterward."

"Rosario--she didn't kill you!" Grace gasped out.

"Not yet, although it has not been for lack of trying." Rosario narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What has Mary Smirnoff been saying to you?"

"Nothing, she hasn't said…we just thought…"

"Can you tell us what's happened tonight, Rosario?" Will inquired.

"What's happened is that you are smudging up my wax job." She moved around, inspecting the floor, ignoring Jack's cry of anguish when she stepped on his stomach. "I tell Miss Karen, the more they lay on it, the worse it gets! But she says, oh, never mind, Rosie, you can celebrate the first of the month on your hands and knees with a toothbrush, _my _toothbrush, she means, my toothbrush that I will have to live with for the rest of my miserable days."

"But _why _were we out like that?" Grace demanded.

"You go through bowl of candy bars faster than Miss Karen can go through entire liquor cabinet and you ask what makes you pass out?" Rosario shook her head in disbelief. "You are in for rude awakening, lady."

"But that doesn't clear up anything for me," Will pointed out. "I only had one…or two…or five, but ten or twelve tops."

"Same," Jack murmured.

"Ooh, you're up, you crazy kids!" Karen called out cheerily as she breezed in. "I was wondering about that!"

"Karen…" Will's voice was low. "Where are the kids?"

"Kids?" Karen's expression twisted into one of terror. "Oh God, _where?" _

"Olivia and Mason!" Will snapped.

"Whose kids are they?"

_"Yours, _Andrea Yates!"

"Oh." Karen chuckled lightly. "They dropped off hours ago. At least…I think they did. Or did I drop _them _off somewhere? Hmm." She frowned. "Well, I guess we'll figure that out in the morning."

"Karen, just please tell us what _happened!"_

"What happened?" Karen repeated, frown still in place. "Well, nothing _happened, _honey, methinks you just got a hold of some of that tainted candy."

"We're talking about the _Halloween _candy, right Karen?" Grace asked. "The kind that you actually--well, we actually, with you looking on and making memories for small children that they'll treasure for a lifetime--put in those little paper sacks and glow in the dark jack-o-lanterns?"

"What kind of candy did you think I was talking about?"

"Ohhhh, the possibilities are endless."

Will's reaction was slightly different, more like a bomb that had only just gone off. _"WHAT? _You messed with candy bars that we handed out to only _God _knows how many kids tonight--"

At that, Jack was able to sit up and look somewhat interested. "You _did, _Karen? But why didn't you tell me? _Fun!"_

"Not _fun, _Jack, a lawsuit waiting to happen!" Will exploded.

"Well, I figured if parents were going to be so irresponsible as to letting their offspring wander door to door begging off good stuff from strangers, that I'd give 'em what they _really _wanted," Karen said, by way of what she considered a "normal" explanation.

"I…oh my God." Will ran a hand frantically through his hair. "I just can't believe you did that, Karen, giving them real cigars in place of candy ones, yes, pouring vodka in Coke cans, yes, convincing them that unwrapped condoms are in actuality chocolate coins, yes, but this…"

"Oh Wilma, put your banana back in your pants," Karen said crossly. "They'll go home, sleep it off, be fine by the morning. I popped a few and I was just fine, aren't you?"

"I don't know, what time is it?"

"Quarter after one," Rosario intoned.

"See, all in their beds, visions of sugar daddies dancing in their heads," Karen said. "Nothing to worry about, Wilma. It's Christmas, isn't it, after all?"

"No, Karen," Grace said gently. "That would be the holiday where Olivia hands you a five foot long list of toys that you seem to mistake for up and coming sex objects and drugs, and Mason isn't afraid to ask for extra summer sausage."

"Oh, is _that _what that is? I always wondered."

"Will, it's really okay," Grace said, touching his arm. "We're alive, we're okay…what else really matters right now?"

Will sighed, then smiled. "I guess you're right, sweetie."

"Am I right too?" Jack piped up, his adrenaline back on high, leaping up to join them.

"Of course, Jackie, although you did absolutely nothing to contribute, you're always right." Will smiled at him and put an arm around his shoulder.

"And me?" Karen's voice was soft, eyes lowered to the ground.

"Well, you being born proves that something isn't right about this entire galaxy, Karen, but I suppose we love you anyway," Grace said, extending an arm to her. They sat together, arms draped over one another's shoulders, until they heard a quiet sniffling in the corner.

"Oh Rosie, don't be like that, come on over here!" Karen beckoned eagerly to her, and she seemed happy to oblige.

"Karen?" Will said out of the blue. "Not to spoil this happy moment by any means, but just so it's all out in the open--what exactly _did _you put in those candy bars?"

"Well, you know, honey, I'm not really sure. Something new pharmacist fixed me up with yesterday, these yummy little tablets that dissolve as soon as they touch your tongue, just the _prettiest _color of purplish blue…"

* * *

_stanleywalkersbitch, if you're out there and reading this, I immensely apologize for the fact that they did live "happily ever after," but I just couldn't bring myself to truly kill them off...one of these days, I'll write an alternate ending just for you where Karen just tosses 'em all into a life sized meat grinder and watches in pleasure as their blood and guts and bone fragments fly all over the place. Kisses._


End file.
